Master D Bates Vol 5 Issue 4
Home Amateur Art Dom's Forum D.O.M. Dungeon Editorial Erotica Fact/Fiction Feature Articles Getting Started Humour Interview Master D bate s Narayanna's Nook Poetry Reviews Sub Missives Switch's Corner The Voyeur TDV Bookstore Search TDV Support TDV About us Advertise at TDV Archives Links Logo Contributor Guidelines Work for TDV	What’s in it for the Dom? by Master Nage I have read countless articles on BDSM in my lifetime and have talked to more than a few people about various aspects of the lifestyle. One of the questions you hear from outsiders a lot is: ‘what’s in it for the subs?’ Doms, of course, are the objects of worship, we’re served hand and foot, and in general treated like nobility...at least, that’s the public perception. Which is probably why you never hear anyone ask the analogous question, ‘what’s in it for the Doms?’ This month, I attempt to tackle that question. One idea I’ve been toying with for quite some time is that there are different types of Doms and we get into the lifestyle for different reasons. I don’t pretend to have a comprehensive list, but rather have created a classification system I use for my own purposes. Like all classification systems, this one is completely arbitrary, which doesn’t make it any less brilliant. Let’s first talk about sadists. Though we might both be in the lifestyle, I feel I have about as much in common with a sadist as I do with my ex-wife. We both live on the same planet, we both speak variations of English and we both, at least at some point, thought of ourselves as being into BDSM. Sadists get off on causing pain. I don’t and never will. Not that I don’t enjoy giving a good spanking with my hand, a belt or flogger, but it’s never to hurt, only to titillate. And yes, I have “tried” some of the harsher realities. I have handled a whip. I have done a bit of candle play. Never did anything with blood, because it wouldn’t do anything for me, but I have used a knife in rape fantasies upon occasion. I even spent some time with a girl who was a pain slut. She liked to be marked a whole lot more than I liked to mark her, and would persist in baiting me until I obliged, which is why the relationship didn’t last. Many sadists, in addition to enjoying the infliction of physical pain, also enjoy verbally abusing/humiliating their subs. I can do the humiliation thing to some degree, as long as the girl is turned on by it, but I’ve never been into verbal abuse, at least not in my intimate encounters. I have a few friends I verbally abuse regularly, but they deserve it. Sadists, as far as I can tell, come to the lifestyle for that feeling of power over another person. As a sadist friend of mine says, ‘we’ll get along fine as long as you worship the ground I walk on.’ Sadists push the envelope to continually test and prove their power. As likely as not, when their power is challenged, they get rather angry. Nothing is worse than a pissed off sadist. Other Doms are into micromanagement. In other areas of society we might call them control freaks, but of course, many people would consider what I do freaky as well. Doms that like to control everything are pretty common, in my experience more common than sadists. Of course, you don’t have to be a Dom to be a control freak. Nevertheless, Doms with this MO, come to the lifestyle to sate their need to control, when it’s no longer enough to simply control themselves. Again, this isn’t fact, but my personal theory. I have better things to do than tell my girl what to eat, how to dress and when to go to bed. I think half the reason I have a slave, is so that she does what I want her to do without being told. Not to mention the fact micromanagement is a lot of work. You have to be constantly thinking and watching. I do think a lot, but I’m not all that observant. I’d be a lousy control freak. Then there are Doms like me, who come to the lifestyle for the adoration. When I was young, I was the only boy in a house full of sisters. I got a LOT of attention. In fact, having attention was a normal condition...the way things should be. Then I went out into the real world and realized no one cared. No one had the time of day for me. This hurt and confused me, since I was raised to expect the world to revolve around me. So I found myself a woman who would provide the attention I craved, 24/7. And if she didn’t, I used two women. Even three at one point. I was completely open about it. I never hid them from each other. I simply needed more attention than the first two could give me, which is pretty twisted, but we’re talking about me here. As an attention-seeking Dom, I’m almost the exception to the rule. Usually it’s subs who seek attention. But in my case, I insist on being worshipped and, as I’ve often found women to do just that, I’m a happy camper. Currently, I only have dana, my one slave, who happens to be very good at paying attention to me, so at this time, I don’t need another girl. dana gives me everything I need. Which doesn’t mean if she were to stop, I wouldn’t consider another girl, and she knows it. Nothing like keeping a girl on her toes (though I prefer dana on her knees). Which brings me to the point of this article. By being aware of what you hope to get out of the lifestyle, you can more effectively choose a girl who matches your needs. Without thinking in these terms, you might get a girl who wants attention, when you expect her to be giving you attention. I’ve done this myself, so I know it’s possible. There is little more annoying than having to compete with a sub for attention that is rightfully yours. Needless to say, the relationship did not last. Again, this is not a comprehensive listing of everyone in the lifestyle, so much as an enticement to get you to look at what you get out of being a Dom. Once you’ve managed to isolate that tidbit of information, you can plan future encounters more wisely and your relationships will have a better chance of lasting. It’s so important to communicate your needs and desires up front, because the clearer you can state them, the more likely the girl you end up with will be the one for you. It sure beats the hell out of going through a dozen or so of the wrong girls, before you finally find a compatible one. As another example, I prefer psychological domination to physical domination. I’m totally into head games. I love them. There is nothing more fun than keeping your slave guessing. I’ll do things just to get a reaction, say something completely unexpected, or change plans, just to throw her off balance. Fortunately, my girl likes to be off balance and as a result, our relationship works. Of course, it’s possible to just blunder into the right partner without thinking about this kind of thing, but I would assume analyzing your motivations might stack the deck a bit in your favor. Just remember, you are who you are for a reason, and the sooner you confront that reason, the sooner you’ll find the right partner and begin enjoying yourself.
	Master Nage (aka Steve Lazarowitz) is a Master, a speculative fiction writer, a origami folder, a hiker, a movie buff, a husband, a stepfather, a fantasy/science fiction fan, a some time lecturer, a tarot card reader, a writer of erotic fiction, and a pretty nice guy (though not generally at the same time). He currently lives the lifestyle 24/7 with his slave dana and her two sons in Tasmania, Australia.