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You've read this many times
in the context of BDSM, COMMUNICATION is one of the most important
aspects of a BDSM relationship. It's true. Without good communication
your relationship is doomed to fail. Let's face it, we indulge
in activities that are pushing the edge of safety, both emotionally
and physically, every day in this lifestyle. Clear communication
is one of the primary tools we have to keeps us physically and
emotionally safe.
Talking face to face is
the best choice for communication. Free flow conversation between
the dominant and submissive is really our ultimate goal. But it
is not always possible for that to happen. Shyness, embarrassment,
emotion and distance are only a few of the hurdles that make the
spoken word difficult at times. A communication aide that has
become extremely popular over the last few years is blogging.
Also known as keeping a journal or a diary, this activity has
been a staple in many people's lives for generations, and with
the invention of the Internet more and more people are turning
to this form of record keeping as a communication tool.
Keeping a diary, journaling or blogging has become all the rage
in the last few years, many people, submissive or not, are now
keeping them and many more are reading them. Why? It's a great
form of communication, a place where the author can write freely
about what they are thinking about the world around them. Thoughts
run free, emotional issues get presented logically, fantasies
can be revealed. The uses are endless
When you're beginning a
new relationship or if your submissive is relatively new to the
lifestyle, you might consider getting them to start a journal.
There is a wealth of information to be gleamed from a submissive's
journal and it could end up being one of your most valuable resources.
In asking your submissive
to begin a journal you will be opening a window to both their
brain and their heart. You can give them direction as to what
you want to see there. Fantasies they'd like to live out (or ones
they like to think about but don't particularly want to live through),
thoughts about the scene you had with them last weekend, or about
what they feel is working well for the two or you, or what needs
some attention. It can be their place where they may just let
their own thoughts and wishes be explored. There are all kinds
of uses for a journal.
For those in a long distance relationship journaling can help
keep you in touch with the day-to-day happenings of your submissive's
life. Their life, in a general sense, the part you don't really
get to participate in. You can discover how they handle certain
situations or get a better understanding of who their friends
are and how they spend their time when they are not with you.
Even for people who live
together, journaling can be a great tool. I know many submissives
who feel very comfortable writing in their journal. It's their
free space to discuss things they might be afraid to bring up
face to face with their dominant. Though we are usually told we
are supposed to tell our dominants everything, sometimes it is
easier to write it down than to speak it. Writing can be especially
helpful if the topic might be to ask for something or to be critical
of something that either the dominant or submissive have strong
feelings about. It forces us into putting things down in a logical
order when we're highly emotional or very nervous.
Not only are journals beneficial
for the dominant, they are immensely beneficial for the submissive.
On a personal level they have a record of their progress in life.
Reading back there are concrete references to various high and
low points in their lives. They can see their growth and their
weakness. Patterns form in our lives, journaling shows these patterns,
the owner can learn from them. It's a positive and life affirming
exercise.
Journals can also be used as a form of punishment. Insist on daily
entries or perhaps have your submissive write about her punishment
and the reason she's being punished. Perhaps you could have her
write a secret fantasy that anybody who reads her journal will
see.
It can be used for humiliation
purposes also. You can have them write in detail a scene they
were part of. Or send them off on an assignment and then have
them write every last detail into the journal. The topics for
journaling, or blogging, are endless.
There are many places on
the web that are free and available for journals. Below is a list
of just a few of the options available. Some sites are completely
public, some are private. Some can be set one way or the other.
It's up to you as how you'd like your submissive to use their
journal. It is a tool I'd highly recommend.
Blog and Journal resources:
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