Recently someone that I know was all proud of himself and the GREAT evening of D/s enjoyments that he and his wife shared. This sparked not only my voyeuristic tendencies, but my plain old curiosity as well and I asked him what all they did.

He then shared with me that the evening was wonderfully fun to him, but it was a punishment his wife had to endure ALL NIGHT LONG! He was very insistent that is was a punishment for her.. felt sorry for her.. blah blah.

I, of course, asked what she did to get this punishment.. and if it was a great evening of D/s enjoyments, how does that serve as "punishment" for anything?

He told me that she had neglected to complete her evening practice session of learning how to do something that he had wanted her to. He bound her and pleasured her in many many ways, that she screamed out in pleasure all night long.

I was rather confused and asked if he had yelled at her, lectured her, told her that he was disappointed in her.. anything of the like. He answered in the negative. I simply could not see why this was supposedly a punishment for her. His simple answer to me was, "She did not get what she wanted and how, she took what I wished her to take.. that is how it was a punishment." I asked further and apparently he does everything she wants him to do to and with her. That is the nature of their relationship.

She is in charge of all of the large decisions of the home, though she usually agrees with him on things. She dictates when they have sex and how, or when they socialize and around whom. He cooks for her and does the laundry while she is at work during the day and she sleeps while he is at work during the evening. She gets everything her heart desires and he okays things that he wants through her before purchasing. Sometimes she tells him that they don't have the money for it, other times she tells him that he just wants something.. he doesn't need it, and therefore it is a no. She will tell him what his schedule for his days off are, ect. Are you getting a pattern here?

I ask you this, who is in charge of this family? Why does he claim the title of Dominant with her when it is she that resides over all within his realm? Why can he not simply realize that he is her submissive and at times she allows him to take control, but it is only when she allows it? Will it damage his ego to do so and therefore she lets him have his façade? Its not like my mental image of him will change at all, in fact I might have more respect for him for being honest with himself and within his life. He could take great pride in his position within her life!

I did not ask him these things, I did not lay into him about how backwards he had things in his mind. It is not for me to make another feel badly about how he perceives his universe, if they are happy with it that way, then so be it.

I think what bit my nipple so badly about this, was that he later told me that her cousin was coming to visit and to learn what it is to be the a slave. He will labor long and hard all summer to teach her the fundamentals of it, and what a good Master is like.

It was there that my panties got in a wad and I lost it. I knew that I would rip him apart if I continued to speak with him and I simply logged off and fumed on my own.

MASTER - SLAVE? He dares to call himself a Master?

I was offended. He knows nothing of this. He is now going to "train" some girl in the ways of what a slave is to expect from her Master, and when she indeed finds one, he will destroy her world. He will break her down and rebuild her, this will be in NEED as this one will have taught her things that will surely get her physically hurt.

It is one thing to have your own little kinky enjoyments at home, yet quite another thing to spread your views that are so very skewed from what the rest of the world has to others that are innocent of such things.

Please...let me go to www.dictionary.com and paste below the definitions of said terms:

dom·i·nant adj.
1. Exercising the most influence or control.
2. Most prominent, as in position; ascendant.

sub·mis·sive adj.
1: inclined or willing to submit to orders or wishes of others or showing such inclination; "submissive servants"; "a submissive reply"; "replacing troublemakers with more submissive people" [ant: domineering]
2: willing to submit without resistance to authority; deferent
3: abjectly submissive

mas·ter n.
A male person having another living being so far subject to his will, that he can, in the main, control his or its actions; -- formerly used with much more extensive application than now.
(a) The employer of a servant.
(b) The owner of a slave.
(c) The person to whom an apprentice is articled.
(d) A sovereign, prince, or feudal noble; a chief, or one exercising similar authority.
(e) The head of a household. over or ownership of something: the master of a large tea plantation.

slave n.
A person who is held in bondage to another; one who is wholly subject to the will of another; one who is held as a chattel; one who has no freedom of action, but whose person and services are wholly under the control of another.

Submissive states clearly the willingness or inclination to submit to another. Slave states clearly this person has no freedom of action and is wholly subject to the will of another.

Within this lifestyle the differences between the two are insurmountable. Neither of the pair is "better" than the other, but the differences between the two can never be confused. The sheer physical and mental danger to the submissive that confused who and what they are and finds themselves with a "Master" is incredible.

I remember the days of old, where if someone was new into the world of BDSM, they would mentor beneath someone for a while and learn from them. Only when the Mentor felt they were truly ready would they be able to claim their title.

I think our community has lost a great breed. I think our community has lost a great learning tool. I think our community has lost.

I would be SO HAPPY and become more involved within my area if I could see this springing up again. I honestly feel that it is NEEDED. I think that we have degraded into a realm of chaos with meanings that have become unclear and merged and twisted in the most distorted of ways.

Yes sometimes the days of old and the traditions there of seem so outdated and silly when we look back at them, but some things….well, just don't throw the baby out with the bathwater. I urge other Dominants to take new ones under their wing and teach them. I have done this for a long time and I have loved the pride I gain from it. I strongly urge each and every one of us to make it a point to revive this old tradition and pass on our knowledge to the new ones so that they not only learn well, but completely.

They say it takes a whole community to raise a single child, it should take a whole community to raise a single Dominant as well. Said Dominant to be would have the benefit of so much experience to draw from as well as many view points and open minds!

*gets off her soap box* Thank you for your time.