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Masochistic
Thoughts
by Lee M
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First, let me state for the
record that I am a domina and a top. I am also a bottom. I find
it remarkable that people would even question that I could be both;
I don't see that they are mutually exclusive. To me, its about the
quality and nature of control.
For me, being a domina to someone has a great deal to do with emotional
involvement, including a desire for "ownership" (or what I refer
to as the "MINE" factor) of the person submitting to me. This is
a very personal sort of relationship, in which I invest in the person
submitting to me, spend time thinking of ways to help them achieve
their hopes and goals, while letting them do the necessary growing
(rather than just "doing it" for them, because it would be easier).
As top, I have an investment in the scene, and in taking care of
the person bottoming to me. I am in control of myself, and the scene.
There is less in the way of desire to control someone outside of
scene (although after topping someone regularly, I can move from
top to domina).
As bottom, I am in control of myself, and the scene that I am in.
(I should add that I negotiate very clearly for the "right" to top
from the bottom, when I elect to bottom. If the person I will be
playing with refuses to allow me to direct the action, we don't
play.) As a bottom, I receive the sensations I crave.
Why would I want to bottom? Well, why would anyone want to bottom?
I bottom because I enjoy sensation. There is something truly fun
about the sensuality of a silk scarf as it passes over your skin,
the wonderfully relaxing thud of a flogger as it hits your back,
or the endorphin rush and the double burn of a cane.
Aren't I worried about people questioning my "Domliness"? Not really.
Anyone who watches the scene for any length of time will figure
out pretty quickly who is in control of the action. And I do consider
it a form of "service" to me to give me the sensations I desire.
What dominant hasn't taken some sensation (even to the point of
orgasm!) in a scene? And the submissive was doing service for the
dominant, just like the person who is serving me by giving me the
sensory input I want.
Well, shouldn't I be surfing on the endorphins of the person who
bottoms to me? Well, yes, when I am topping or domming someone,
I do just that. I love to get great reactions out of a bottom, and
take the bottom where I want to go. The bottom becomes my wings,
and away we go… but sometimes (not always, but sometimes), I want
to be the one doing the flying. Sometimes I want to take the direct
route away from the mundane world and just feel.
And I will admit it, sometimes I am just plain lazy. Topping or
domming is a lot of work. Sometimes I want those endorphins, but
I don't want to have to work that hard to get them. I "bottom" so
I can have the endorphins without all that strenuous exercise and
planning and effort.
So, if we happen to bump into each other at the same play party
and you'd like to play, feel free to ask me… but let's not argue
about who is more masochistic. |
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Lee
M is a domina, sadist, and masochist in Minnesota. She has been
in the Lifestyle for 13 years; 11 years of which were private, and the
last two have been public in the local scene. She resides with her submissive
cat, Buddy Ditzmore. Lee M is a strong supporter of the National Coalition
for Sexual Freedom. For more information click the banner below:
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