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Dom
vs Domme?
It doesn't have to be like that, you know?
by Narayanna
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A good friend of mine is
a closet domme. She gets into relationships with people and little
by little she allows her dominant tendencies sneak out. She refuses
to attend a local group or event, though. She says that she likes
to go to events and be herself. She says that she is virtually attacked
by nasty old men that give her crap like "Try it once babe and
you will never go back." It makes her sick, the lack of respect
they show for fellow dominants if they are of the feminine persuasion.
I have heard similar stories before from many other ladies. I even
have a story of my own to tell.
Please tell me that this is not an issue everywhere?
When I first moved to my area I was lost. I had moved from a very
large city in Florida to a very small city in southern Washington.
I had gone from a very large and diverse BDSM community to a place
where it looked as though they burnt strangers on wooden crosses.
After looking a little bit and being very nosy I learned of a BDSM
group that has local munches and the occasional play party.
I walked into my first munch to a very small handful of ladies who
were ALL submissive and a large group of old, hairy males that were
ALL Dominants. When I stood up and introduced myself most of the
men were shocked that I was a Dominant. Unfortunately many saw that
as a challenge.
I learned that I am one of two dominant women within the area here
and the other is a switch. During my "getting to know" the group
stage I was approached, one on one, by almost every dom there, several
of them donning the attitude of "Oh honey, you have simply not met
the RIGHT Dom yet." Where upon my usual answer was along the lines
of, "I do not have a submissive bone in this hot little body, hun.
Perhaps you have simply not met the right woman, yet?"
I sat in the background and watched and studied other personalities
and their styles. I learned a lot about them and it left me very
open to those that wanted to talk and get to know me. I fought off
a LOT of ego filled male chauvinists.
That was until there was a workshop on Japanese Rope Bondage and
people came from all over the state to attend. During the workshop
one of the well-known doms was in the process of working a very
elaborate suspension display. About 45 min into the work the submissive
had her arms bound behind her and one leg hoisted - and she passed
out.
I noticed her head drop and her one standing leg go limp - and my
heart jumped. I looked around and no one seemed to notice. Her dom
was too into his work to realize that she was in trouble.
I didn't even think that I may piss anyone off by interrupting and
I did just that. I walked up to her quickly and lifted her head.
He noticed me, the situation, and his eyes jumped out of his head
(not literally) he was terrified.
I woke her and did all I could to talk her back to reality slowly,
softly, and making her think. He could not cut the ropes off as
they were too tight and it could injure her in the process so it
took 20 minutes to unwind her.
I carefully worked with her and caught her in my arms when she fell.
We both sunk to the floor and I ordered someone to fetch me a blanket
and water. He was quickly at our side and with time we were able
to assess that she was okay.
Amazingly I had everyone's complete respect and I began making wonderful
friends.
I even dealt with a situation where one of the doms had been attracted
to me and first began with playful remarks. Things such as he had
dreamt of my paddle blessing his backside with welts, and what not.
I jokingly replied to him and he took offence. I further explained
that if he did not wish for my return jest then he should not have
begun it in the first place.
Later he made some comment within our email list about my having
begged him to do a 'take down' demonstration at the next workshop.
I told him that I was not into forced domme submission and that
he should not allow his fingers to write checks that his body could
not cash. Once again his ego was all out of joint.
He had a submissive at the time, and ordered her to come on to me,
as he knew that I am bi-sexual. He later emailed me off list asking
if I would be interested in co-topping with him and that his submissive
would of course be the 'prize' that we could both share in whatever
capacity I wished… I very tactfully declined. He returned with further
snide comments but his girl emailed me with simply this, "Thank
you so much Ma'am, He had me scared. I don't know what to do."
Please tell me that the male ego is not THAT much a part of true
men? Please tell me that not every female dominant has to go through
these struggles? Please tell me that it doesn't take possible serious
medical threats to a submissive for a domme to prove her worth and
knowledge. Please tell me that it doesn't take possible legal action
for a Dom to back off when a female says no, when *any* female says
no?
It just bothers me that some people cannot get over the ancient
mindset that my grandfather grew up with. Did nothing happen in
the 70's? Was the women's movement a figment of my imagination?
Was that my history book, or a fiction novel? And of course the
biggest question within my mind…why is it that when a male comes
to the group and he announces that he is dominant no one questions,
but when a woman does she is belittled until she proves her dominance?
I do have to add though that the very sweet ladies within the group
never once questioned, never once wondered. One went as far as to
say this, "When She walks into a room everyone turns around, She
brings with Her an aura that lights up a whole room and makes every
submissive want to know who that Woman is. You just can't see it
because your hard on blinded you." Perhaps that is why she eventually
became My girl until her career separated us, eh? |
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