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Do you know somebody who would make an interesting and knowledgable
DOM of the Month?
Contact kaylakuffs @ thedomsview.com
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Age:
32
Gender/Orientation: Male Dom
Location: Seattle, Wa.
Years involved in D/s and/or BDSM:
13
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Anything
else you wish to share?
My style of dominance doesn't follow the current trends and the
public scene has little interest for me. I have always done things
my own way. I am dominant in every aspect of my life and therefore
the women I date have no choice but to take a submissive role.
If they don't like it, they can date someone else. My interests
in BDSM fall into the D/s category but I do use S&M as a tool
to encourage submission in my subs. I'm strict and demanding and
expect the highest efforts from my subs, but, I am also very aware
of the real world and I am much more reasonable than most people
would imagine.
Do you use toys? If so, what is Your favourite
toy, and why?
Yes I use toys, both sexual aids and items for corporal punishment.
The cane and the crop are my favorites because they can be both
sensual and extremely painful depending on the use. If I want
my sub to feel a sting, both implements rise to meet the occasion.
What's your favorite
target?
Ass
Are rituals part of your
relationship? If so, can you tell us about some of them?
Yes I have rituals. They are dependant on the relationship I
have with the sub in question. I have a certain dress code standard
that must be met by anyone I date. Heels, stockings and garters
dresses/skirts are mandatory, no panties, properly groomed (hair/make
up/nail polish). These are standards.
Submissives that I date regularly have special greetings for
me, they pose for inspection, they are to keep their collars
with them at all times and they are presented to me when we
meet. At the end of a scene, which for me means the end of our
sexual contact, I expect my regular subs to get up, get a warm
wash cloth and wash me down before they go to sleep.
There are other rituals, but those are the basics.
What is the biggest benefit for you of being a dominant?
I get what I want.
Where does sex fit in with your opinions
of BDSM - D/s?
BDSM and D/s are part of my sexuality, and I don't want one
without the other. Enough said.
To what degree is your relationship BDSM
OR D/s (or both)? All the time, part of the time, weekends only,
etc. Please elaborate.
When a sub is with me, she is the sub and I am the Dom. Period.
The intensity may vary depending on where we are and what we
are doing, but the undercurrent of BDSM is always there if we
are interacting. I am not involved in a 24/7 relationship. I
date a variety of women, some on a more regular basis than others,
but all are D/s relationships.
How important is it that Dominants have
some sort of personal experience or perspective of what they
ask of their submissive to endure/perform?
If you mean, should a Dom train as a sub to be a good Dom? That's
bunk. Common sense, paying attention to your sub and taking
responsibility for your knowledge and actions are important.
I don't have to hit myself with a crop to know it hurts. I want
it to hurt.
When serious anger occurs directly related to something pertaining
to your submissive, how do you feel it should be dealt with?
Never punish a sub in anger. If you are angry then you are in
jeopardy of losing control. I tell my subs that I am angry,
I may send them home, I may just stop the activity that we're
involved in, but I won't punish until I have chilled out and
am in control of my emotions. Then they will hear from me. Then
they will receive their punishment.
I've found that just waiting for me to contact
them has already started the process. I've been known to send
a sub home and then wait two weeks before contacting them. For
most of the subs I know, that's sheer torture in itself. I tell
them what they did to deserve the punishment, I give them and
opportunity to explain and if I believe they deserve further
punishment it is executed and then it is over and not brought
up again.
Do you believe a D/s relationship should
be symbiotic, or is it all about Your needs?
I have been accused of being an asshole many times and I freely
admit to it, but even I know that if my sub isn't getting what
she needs from me she has no reason to stick around. Of course
a relationship has to be symbiotic, what would be the point
otherwise?
I've spoken today about what I like and what I do, but I'm involved
with women who like that style of BDSM. They also get treated
like the ladies they are. They are taken out, they are treated
like ladies, the have doors opened for them. I take them places
that they are going to like. I want them to enjoy themselves
because it adds to their need to please me. It's a two way street.
They get what they want from me, I get what I want from them.
The fact that I am in control of who gets what when is just
part of the game.
What do you feel sets you and your practice/pursuit
of the BDSM lifestyle apart from others?
I mentioned earlier in this interview that I don't follow the
current trends in BDSM. I am not part of the general "community".
I do my own thing whether it is socially acceptable or not,
so I would have to say that not following the crowd sets me
apart from others. It surprises my subs, they rarely can figure
me out, yet I am an easy guy to please. Do what I want, I'm
happy. I don't know why people find that so hard to understand.
What do You feel is the single, most important
thing for any new Dominant to learn (or observe, explore, share)
when entering into this lifestyle?
Whatever you do, take the responsibility to know and understand
what it is that you are doing. I dated a woman once who was
very much in to choking. She loved it. She begged me to choke
her. I was very uncomfortable with it but decided I might as
well give it a try.
Now, not being stupid, I researched. Not only did I research
choking on the BDSM sites, but I researched medical sites and
learned about the structure of the neck, I learned where the
wind pipe was in relation to carotid artery. I learned just
how much pressure was required to cut off her air without crushing
her neck. There are a lot of very fragile body parts in the
neck and I had no intention of having to call the cops and say
"Oops".
The sub was thrilled that I would accommodate her need. I never
was comfortable with the situation, it wasn't something that
turned me on in the slightest, but I did it as safely as I possibly
could and that I felt good about.
I would also suggest to people to make sure they listen to the
submissives they intend on dating. If you are dating a woman
that does not like pain and you do, one of you is not going
to have a very good time. You need to be flexible. Both of you
do. Communicate, listen to what she is telling you. Ask questions.
Make sure she understands what your expectations of her will
be. Things will go a lot smoother for you and you'll have a
hell of a lot more fun if you do the legwork up front.
You can contact Sir Moe at:
SirMoe @ hotmail.com
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