Dear
Aunt Agony
My
submissive is very vocal, which I like. But she is always telling
me that I am going too slow or too fast
In
the wrong gear.
Dear
Baroness Bus Driver
Who’s
driving the bus? You’ve both agreed in a consensual fashion
on the destination. You’ve both agreed that you are the one
to decide how to get there.
I
don’t hold with that nonsense about submissives controlling
the pace. Certainly their reactions influence our decisions,
but control and decision making are our prerogatives.
If
she wants to drive, then she’s in the wrong type of relationship.
I
listen, first and foremost, to what their bodies are telling
Me. Only second do I listen to
their voices.
If
she doesn’t have anything positive to say….
Tell
her to shut up and stand behind the yellow line.
Aunt
Agony
“The
wheels on the sub go round and round”
***********
Dear
Aunt Agony,
My
sub is way more experienced than I am in S&M. I’m always
afraid I’m going to hurt her and she never seems satisfied with
our play. How can i get over my fear of hurting her?
Sir
Stud
Dear Horse
before the Cart,
More importantly,
what about Your satisfaction and Your degree of comfort? A contented
little slave is a happy by-product of Our activities. BUT, it
should be viewed as just that: A happy coincidence that occurs
when We are doing what satisfies Us and what makes Us happy.
A little
nervous tension gets the blood boiling and the juices flowing,
but anxiety and fear have no place in the Dominant’s repertoire.
Much is written about taking it slow and easy with submissives.
But in the case where there is a difference in experience levels
– It’s sound advice for Dominants too.
So what if
You are a less experienced “racer” and she is already way ahead
of You panting at the finish line? - It isn’t a horse race!
You just take your time strolling down the track at Your own
pace. If she’s still there when You decide to arrive – Well,
that’s a happy coincidence.
Your submissive
may have experience, but she clearly knows very little about
being a Dominant. If she did, she would have pointed out that
an important part of establishing control is “calibrating” your
subject. Each person’s tolerance to pain or pleasure is different.
And it changes over time and circumstance. Part of the fun of
Dominance is gauging how much is just a little too
much – And staying there.
You don’t
start with whips made of barbed wire and work downwards. You
do exactly as You are doing i.e. start small and work upward.
Furthermore, You do it at Your pace, not hers. Submissives look
to us for control which, not surprisingly, requires a controlled
approach to calibration. While this may frustrate your submissive
– (not necessarily a bad thing) – It is also prudent, so long
as it’s part of an overall progression or ramping up of intensity.
We are in
the business of using pain as one of many erotic tools, so we
are bound to “hurt” our subjects. But remember this - “We may
hurt, but We don’t harm”.
If you think
of her as an object that you wish to test, but not damage, you
will be in the right mind-set to satisfy her. If you focus on
pushing your boundaries, not hers, then you will be on the right
road to satisfy Yourself
Aunt
Agony “ Official Pacesetter of Pain”
