Oysters need a little grit to make pearls, and in this sense, the list hasthrown up a little "spirit of the times".

Levels of intensity in play vary, but what I found interesting was that there appears to be an inverse (or perhaps perverse) relationship between edginess and squickiness.

Edge players, like myself, get squicked by the oddest things. I can watch a scene of some intensity and not bat an eyelid.

The same cannot be said for some forms of aftercare.

For me, D/s is an intimate exchange of authority and responsibility. Its erotic expression comes in various forms. On the physical side there arecanes and crops and whips etc. On the mental side there are words and body language. On the psychic/spiritual side there are equivalent tools.

Observing a scene (at its best) is like observing a piece of performance art. It is an absolute and personal expression. I don't mind a little bit of "showboating" during the scene, particularly if it's in context. Some of that showboating might be quite extreme...such as cutting and so on. But if it's done well, it is making a bold impact statement that I appreciate as an aficionado even if it is not to my tastes.

Where I become acutely uncomfortable is when a scene is conducted without finesse, intensity and a degree of emotional honesty.

Much though I love the clothing at Northbound, their patented "no-sting floggers" should be taken out and burned. When I see an "intense" scene where a tenderized elk-skin flogger is used to "punish" someone wearing several layers of winter clothing and kevlar/leather underwear I just turn away in disgust. To me, that is truly nauseating.

To add insult to injury (given the limp wrested-ness of the participants I suppose that the word "injury" should be taken with a grain of salt), these players then sit down and engage in "aftercare".

Showboating in a scene is one thing, but fawning over a bottom after a tepid scene so that all can see...is as phony as it is ostentatious.

There is a world of difference between ritual as part of the mental preparation for and cool down from a scene...as opposed to the posturing, culturally expected routine of "concerned caring" for a bottom.

People who argue that bottoms control the scene and are manipulating their environment, to get their needs met, need only point to the little "princesses" being waited on hand and foot to prove their point.

As a dominant who does not support that system of beliefs, it squicks me. Not because I am uncomfortable with intimacy, but because I am uncomfortable with emotional dishonesty.

People engaged in bdsm should expect to be challenged. That seems to me to be the very nature of the beast. BDSM is not "warm and fuzzy". Granted there are loving and consen_s_ual* relationships that emerge, but bdsm is about challenging ideas and emotions.

Challenging oneself and others is difficult while remaining civil - which is why we have etiquette.

D/s is extremely challenging which is why we have more extreme etiquette.

People engaged in this list should expect to be challenged by the ideas they see. If an idea is put forward, then the poster should expect to be
challenged (within the boundaries of etiquette) in return.

Just like a play party or a fet-night, this list is not _supposed_ to be comfortable, it is not _supposed_ to be like a tepid bath - It is _supposed_ to be about bdsm, and in my opinion it should be like bdsm.

In a fet-night environment, if you find the expression of those around you too distressing or too uncomfortable...then you leave...you don't make a big stink on the way out...you just leave. And by the way, _I_ have left fet-nights because the level of play squicked me as above...no big deal...you just leave.

But if you are going to play...play with vigor...and don't play to fulfill someone else's agenda or expectations...play to express yourself.

Nichola
(who feels medicinal leeches are at least worthy of discussion as a play tool)