Do you use toys? If so, what is Your favourite toy, and why?
I
certainly use toys. Picking a favorite is hard: Canes, crops
and the Sybian are the top three. The sybian isn’t an every
day thing, but when I use it, it does wonderful things to Lisa’s
head…It puts me in complete control of her orgasms, including
the timing, the duration, and the intensity, which just isn’t
the normal course of events. Making her come when she doesn’t
want to is a major mind-fuck.
Canes are for serious beatings, which I like, but again are
not for every day. I have a wide variety of canes, from whippy
thin ones to heavy thick ones, and often use several sizes in
the course of a scene. In particular, I like to use canes on
her thighs, for both the reactions and the marks.
And a nice stiff riding crop is just a really nice general-purpose
tool. You can use it almost anywhere on the body, and as hard
or as softly as you wish to, for pleasure or for pain. With the
right rhythmic tempo, I can make her come from a good, steady
cropping.
Do you believe in safe words and limits? What are your personal
limits?
Safewords have a place in public “show” scenes where
the participants don’t know each other well, and it’s
all very exhibitionistic. I don’t think they’re reliable
if the sub really dives into subspace, and they shouldn’t
be necessary in an established relationship.
Limits are also relationship
dependant. I own Lisa completely, so she certainly isn’t
allowed to set limits on what happens to her. My personal limits
are that I want to be able to do it
again soon.
What do you get the most pleasure from in a session?
Having
sex at the end is the most reliable, though, if the two of us
manage to go flying at the same time, that makes it the
most wonderful of all. It just doesn’t happen every time:
It takes a long intense scene, which I don’t always want
and can’t always do, and then that scene has to really
work.
What is the biggest benefit for you of being a dominant?
Hmm, “benefit of being dominant” sounds funny. I
just am dominant. It’s not something I set out to be. Sure
there are benefits, but it’s like “benefit of being
tall”. On the other hand, there are definite benefits in
owning a slave. Forget spiritual benefits, I get all the (BDSM)
sex I want, when I want it, how I want it. Every whim I want
catered to, is.
Where
does sex fit in with your opinions of BDSM – D/s?
What would be the point of owning
a woman and not using her as a sex object? And the more using and
humiliating it is, the
more it reinforces the ownership dynamic.
Do
you believe in 24/7 D/s? Why?
Yes.
Because it’s what I’ve wanted since puberty,
I’ve had it for 11 years, and it’s wonderful. It
took time to get it firmly established, but from the get go,
it’s what we aimed for.
To
what degree is your relationship BDSM OR D/s (or both). All
the time, part of the time, weekends only, etc. Please elaborate.
I own Lisa completely, all the time. She has the previous obligation
of raising two kids, and I allow her to work both for personal
fulfillment and because we need the money (see kids, above.)
But I own her. Barring the kid complications, I could keep her
chained naked in a corner eating out of a dish all the time.
As it is, I only do that when I want to.
How important is it that Dominants have some sort of personal
experience or perspective of what they ask of their submissive
to endure/perform?
If you mean the old “you must sub before you can dom”,
I think it’s irrelevant. It’s a perfectly valid ritual
as a means of earning your way into a secret society/subculture,
whatever, but I’m not interested. Have some forethought,
whack your thigh a couple times with the new crop, and you’re
good to go.
Do you believe a D/s relationship should be symbiotic, or is
it all about your needs?
Trick question. First, many Ds relationships (those with limits
and carve outs and such) are clearly symbiotic from the get go.
I have, and very much enjoy having, an extreme relationship.
Others can and should have the relationships they want.
Second, even in a
more extreme relationship than mine, where the sub is treated
as nothing but animate property, presumably
that is what fulfills the sub, makes him or her feel ‘right’.
So the relationship is still symbiotic.
If
the sub is not fulfilled, that’s
a problem, but one found in vanilla and all kinds of DS relationships.
What are Your personal views on the dynamics of D/s? How important
is negotiation for You?
I’m beginning to sound like a broken record. I own Lisa.
She does what I tell her to, I can do anything I choose to her.
That said, I listen to her, and change my mind if she really
wants something and I’d only somewhat prefer something
else. As for negotiating, that’s meaningless to our dynamic
at this point in time. How can she negotiate? She’s not
operating from a power base at all. I do what I want, including
rewarding her if that’s what I feel like doing.
What personal experience(s) led you to the BDSM lifestyle?
I was born this way. I remember switch fantasies from when I
was four.
What do you feel sets you and your practice/pursuit of the BDSM
lifestyle apart from others?
I don’t think we’re
unique, but the level of ownership and control I have over Lisa
is pretty far out there. I would
guess that only a few percent of BDSM couples push it as far
as we do.
Do you think long term couples should continue to adhere to
limits and safewords or should they work to eliminate them?
I
think limits depend on the relationship. I own Lisa completely
and can do anything I choose to her. Obviously other relationships
work differently. But even in a relationship with limits I just
can’t see a safeword being a big deal after six months
or so. Both dom and sub ought to know each other and what works
by then, and the dom should be able to recognize something going
big-time wrong.
How important is scening within the parameters of your relationship?
Very.
Scenes are what keep Lisa in the subbed-out headspace I want
her in. Also, we’re both pretty sexual, and that’s
how we have sex. So we have at least a quicky scene at least
four times a week, and I try to get a bigger one in at least
weekly.
What do you feel is the single, most important thing for any
new Dominant to learn (or observe, explore, share) when entering
into this lifestyle? Can you give us an example of one of your
first learning experiences?
Know what you want, and
realize that you can probably get it. (OK, that’s two).
In the current social climate, there are plenty of opportunities
to learn. Take them. Read and think. (And go to parties and have
fun.) Explore; realize what you may be getting into. (How much
care do you want to take of someone, for instance). But short
of amputation scenes, if you really want and can pull off something,
you can probably find someone who wants it too.
If you want 24/7,
that means bossing someone around all the time. You need to
be ok with that. (I don’t like being
bossed around, so it took me a while to feel ok doing it.) If
you’re a sadist you need to get comfortable with hurting
people. (And pressing limits. If the scene is good most subs
want and can handle far more than they thought.)
This was probably
true back in the 70s when I started, but certainly a whole
lot harder. I’d always wanted to completely own
someone, but didn’t have clue one how to find her, at least
without dropping everything else in my life so I could date every
night, searching for the right unaware sub.
By the time I met
Lisa, things had opened up a bit, but I had swallowed the PC
version of 24/7 as the best attainable, so that’s
what we started with. And it actually didn’t work that
well – It was the best relationship I’d ever had
- (Lisa had been scared out of a really good one in college.
The guy didn’t have books and websites to learn from.)
- but it still left us both frustrated.
But four or five years
ago, I figured out that what we had wasn’t
right, and rather than give up, I decided I’d go for broke.
Either I’d train her into the completely subservient fucktoy
I’d always wanted, or we’d break up, which looked
kind of likely anyway. Well, it worked, I have what I want, and
Lisa is blossoming, though she reminds me that it wasn’t
what she went looking for.
But in case there’s any doubt, I really am saying get
it right the first time, not have to change it later. I should’ve
gone for what I wanted (hard as it still was to find in 1990),
and Lisa jumped way too fast for the first plausible, sane dom
she found. We just got lucky.
Frank
Visit Frank's Journal here
|
Age: 47