Do
you use toys? If so, what is your favorite toy, and why?
I find it difficult to name a favorite toy as I find diversity is what floats my boat. I love my rope though and guess if I had to choose just one; it would be my hemp rope. I love the feel, smell and texture of hemp; that I can suspend someone in hemp trusting that it will not stretch. It is the intimacy, intricacy and evolving artistic expression of rope bondage that ignites my imagination and gets my juices flowing. Oh and being able to have someone completely at you mercy YUMMO!!!
Do you believe in safe words and limits? What are your personal
limits?
Yes and No depending on who, where and why you are playing.
Someone I have never played with, a safe word has much to do with exchange of power and building of trust between virtual strangers.
With my own, a safe word is not necessary as
we have such a close connection that body language usually says it
all. Otherwise good old fashioned communication is what I prefer, if
they are capable of processing words *s*.
What's your favorite target?
With impact play it is cock, breasts, ass, back, feet, thighs; ah what can I say, I am a sadist just give me the whole body to mark up and I am happy.
What do you get the most pleasure from in a session?
Very simply stated it is the interaction between me and whoever I am playing with. I enjoy the journey that we take together
How important is it that dominants have some sort of personal experience or perspective of what they ask of their submissive to endure/perform?
I will presume this question is about play and experimenting as a bottom.
For some yes, and for some No!!!
Some dominants have such a degree of empathy and closeness to their subs that the energy exchanged during play is what enhances the experience for both parties, not any personal experience with bottoming.
Some dominants can have all of the personal experience in the world and use that to demand more than their subs are capable of, because they can and have done it themselves. We all process things differently and your perception of how you process pain for instance, may differ greatly from how someone else processes. Perception is subjective and can set unrealistic expectations and personal prejudices based on your own personal experience.
More important than experience is attitude to your subs. For me it is about mutual respect and communication before, during and after a session. Practical experience does not help you to assess individual subs energy levels, age, flexibility and pain threshold and level of submissiveness.
Having said the above I have used personal experience to further comprehend the effects of bondage with rope tension and body fatigue. I like to experiment also with the feel of a new whip, electrical equipment etc to get a feel of how harsh a toy is rather than how I react to it. The reaction is personal and may not relate to anyone else.
What is your definition of the power exchange between dom and sub?
Control or overt manipulation is different to me than power. You can
un-consensually control someone or use emotional blackmail to manipulate others to behave in a certain way but to share power within in a D/s relationship all parties need to allow it, accept it, be unthreatened by it, and dare I say enjoy it.
We each are powerful in our own ways and within any good relationship, (not just D/s) we should be using that power to influence each other for good. The righteous power that exists between sub/dom or dom/sub is based on respect for each others strengths and the desire to share said strengths.
If you allow someone to influence you then you are giving them power over you. My ability to have power over another is dictated by my willingness to open myself to the power others have over me, thus it is called power exchange.
One of the greatest powers we have as sub or dominant is the power of persuasion and influence on each other. To do this with any degree of success we need to have admiration for each others wisdom. If I close myself off emotionally or psychologically to the exchange of ideas and emotions, from my subs, and they from me then we are not connecting on a level that will bring the best out in each of us.
To be the best dominant possible for my sub, I need to listen, learn and evolve. To be the best subs for me they need to do the same. Full power exchange enables a flow from one to the other that enhances our sense and appreciation of who we each are and empowers each of us to more fully enjoy the D/s interaction in harmony without fear of criticism and rejection.
When serious anger occurs directly related to something pertaining to your submissive, how do you feel it should be dealt with?
In our household we have adult relationships and accept that each of us errs. I deal with my subs as I wish them to deal with me when we do something to disappoint or cause anger.
Once again I make a distinction between anger and rage. We do not rage in our household. Anger is an emotion that is a sign post that something needs to be discussed and dealt with. It is not about blame, but communicating what has caused those feelings and what will prevent them in the future. We own our own emotions.
I am not interested in having a parent child relationship with my subs. They are intelligent, self actualized people who do not need to be treated like children but with the respect they have earned from me and vice versa. No problem with role play of course yumo!!!
What does being a dominant mean to you personally?
"Self actualization" is about being real and that is what being dominant does for me. Dominance is a part of my personality and accepting and celebrating that with others who appreciate and see my dominance as a strength has released a well of contentment within me.
How did you enter the BDSM world? OR ... What personal experience(s) led you to the BDSM lifestyle?
I heard of BDSM online and because I am not really inter cyber I went to a munch and met some great people that I had lots of fun with. From there I attended some BDSM functions and parties.
I was very fortunate when I entered the BDSM scene to meet Damion aka Cats' brat (now my husband and collared sub) almost immediately. He had been a professional Master for many years and been actively involved in B&D
since he was about 17. We made an instant connection on so many levels and he
was the major instigator that started me on this thrilling journey. He taught
me many of the technical skills necessary to make me a safe player. I attended
workshops and was trained also by a ProDomina in various rope and SM play. I
landed on my feet.
What do you feel is the single, most important thing for any new
dominant to learn (or observe, explore, share) when entering into
this lifestyle? Can you give us an example of one of your first learning
experiences?
The single most important thing to remember is
-: What we do is meant to be fun and fulfilling, so do not be
manipulated into doing or being someone you do not enjoy. Be true to
yourself. Make that your first and most important limit.
Dominance is a personality so you cannot learn that. Playing as a dominant of
course requires anything from very basic technical skills to very extensive skills
like bondage. Start by doing what you are capable of. Bending someone over your
knee and spanking them does not require much more skill than determining if they
enjoy a slow warm up or prefer a severe spanking.
We all want/need to have positive experiences when we start playing. Negotiating scenes when starting out will bring you the sort of success that will want you to do this again and again and again.
Treat everyone as your equal until someone
agrees to submit to you. Then treat them with the respect that the
trust they have given you deserves. |
Gender/Orientation: Female/Dominant/Polyamorous/Trysexual