Dan flips a coin, Michelle calls it in the air…Heads.  The coin slowly flips and tumbles its way to the floor.  They both wait for it with anticipation.  The coin hits the floor and rolls a bit before finally landing in its resting spot.  Dan and Michelle peer at the coin, tension mounting.  Michelle laughs when she sees the head on the coin.  It’s going to be a fun night.

I have been around the lifestyle for a number of years.  During this time, I have seen a significant change in the way that people view Switches.  In BDSM a switch is someone who participates in activities as a top or bottom, a dominant or a submissive.

A good number of people in the lifestyle are either Dominant, or submissive.  They either like to give or receive.  Switches on the other hand like both sides of that coin.  I have heard people in the lifestyle, especially the “old-timers” refer to Switches as “fence riders, greedy, indecisive” etc…  That type of idealism seems to be changing with the times.  I think that Switches are now becoming more widely accepted, even if still not understood by many.

The fact is, everyone is different, and everyone has their own preferences. I know people who will Top in one scene, and bottom the next in the same night.  I also know people that are in Top mode for play, and bottom mode the rest of the time and vice-versa.  Some even play games to see who gets to be on top. The combinations are endless.   There are a lot of Dominants who swear that they would never submit or bottom to anyone.  I think that personally, those that adamantly swear they would never submit or bottom to anyone deep down have an insecurity or ego problem that shows itself in the way that these Dominants take such a defensive stance. 

I have heard a number of people that say that they don’t have a submissive bone in their body.  I have even said that myself.  But to some degree, in the world we live in, we submit in one form or another all the time.  We have bosses at work, laws of the land, parents, and many other dominant influences in our lives.  I hardly think that would classify anyone as Dominant 100% of the time.  I do find that when I am in “bottom” mode, I tend to go with the play, but I do not do the “Master, Mistress, Ma’am, or other types of pontificates that people tend to like during play.  I just don’t have it in me I guess, although it has never been such an issue that kept a scene from happening.

I personally am about 70% Top and 30% bottom.  The percentages vary from one person to another.  I discovered my switch side after having been a “purist dominant” for almost ten years.  It was actually quite by accident.  I was speaking to a friend who happened to be a switch.  We were talking about various types of sensation play and she asked me if I had ever tried any of this play from the bottom side.  Of course for the sake of trying to not sound indignant, I told her that I certainly had not.  She laughed and told me that I was truly missing out on all that the lifestyle had to offer by not being willing to open my mind.  After lots of challenges from her, that incidentally became negotiations, I did finally bottom to her which opened up a whole new world for me and started a whole new chapter in my journey.   From the beginning when she tied me to the bed to the moment that we were cuddling in aftercare, it was truly a rollercoaster ride like none I had ever felt before.   I experienced sensations that were unlike any that I had experienced before.  The soft feel of rope on my skin.   The thudding of a flogger followed by the caress of a soft hand.   An intense sting from the canes.  The physical portion of this new found way of playing for me was quite exciting and awakening.  As far as the mental aspect of the play, I had a wide variety of confused emotions.  Fear, pain, guilt, pleasure, excitement, arousal.  It took a bit longer to process these feelings and put thing into perspective.   All of this created in me a yearning to experience more.  I wanted to soar with the rush I felt.  I wanted to experience this thing that suddenly seemed to fill a gap in my lifestyle.

I have spoken to numerous switches over time and I think that for me and quite a few others, switching gives us some sense of balance in our lifestyle.  I think that it follows the same lines as a successful businessman that is in control of the business on a daily basis.  They tend to want to “not be in charge all the time”.

The whole reason for switching to me is multifaceted.  I like to feel different sensations and experience new things.  I like to feel what it is that I am dishing out.  I actually have found that I get an endorphin rush from certain types of play that can create a very nice headspace.  I get a rush and find that I have a certain “high” from topping that I enjoy.  With certain types of play as a bottom, that rush can be much more intense.  For instance, I was presenting at an event a couple of years ago.  During the play party, I was witness to several piercing scenes. I had seen them before, but for some reason I was intrigued about the sensation.  I asked a friend that was well versed in needle play if she would be willing to show me how it feels.  Of course this was after talking myself out of trying several times that evening.  We were finally set to do this “experiment”.  I found that from the initial stick of the needle, to the last, the endorphin rush was immediate, intense, and quite lasting.  I had never experienced that level as a Top.

I have come to the conclusion that in the big scheme of things, there are no two dynamics in this lifestyle that are the same.  I have never seen Master/slave, Top/bottom, or Dominant/submissive relationships that were the same and I have not known any two switches to be the same.  There are a number of people out there that are submissive to their Master, but Dominant to everyone else they play with.  I know some that are switch couples. 

I feel that no matter how we identify, we should be honest with ourselves first, and others second.  I feel that we should not hide what we are for the sake of popular opinion.  If the whole concept of switches is to become as widely accepted as the other roles people hold in the lifestyle, then we should stand proud in the fact that we get the best of both worlds.  For a lifestyle that is supposed to be open to everyone’s kinks, sometimes we are quite critical of ourselves and others that don’t think exactly the same way.  We are not of the same mold and do not have to adhere to others ideas.  It’s time to break that mold, stand up for what you believe and who you are.  Switches of the world UNITE!