In BDSM and leather societies, titles used to mean something. Titles did not make you a queen or royalty or gain automatic respect. Titles were supposed to offer a description that immediately told someone the proper degree of lifestyle protocol expected to by the titleholder, and that community group. Titles also described the person's experience or background within the lifestyle. If you wanted to get close to a titleholder or garner attention, you offered the proper protocol in the titleholder's presence.

Twenty years ago, terms like Lady, submissive, Goddess, Grand Mistress, dom, sub, top, bottom, femdom, domme, etc. were unheard of. The titles most used were Grand Master, Master, Mistress, and slave. These titles described the person's place within the lifestyle. Grand Master was a dominant male Master who had 20 or more witnessed years within a group or area. Masters were dominant males who mastered the use of toys and tools, discipline, obedience, protocols, slave training and ownership. Mistresses were dominant females who mastered the same. Slaves were submissive females and males who sought training and ownership by Mistresses and Masters. Different groups had small variances on the same titles. Those who sought servitude under these titles learned the proper protocols so they could be noticed, and perhaps solicit titleholders for ownership.

As the Internet grew, so did the titles and descriptions. The Internet made it easy for people to enter the hidden societies of BDSM, D/s and other once secretive lifestyles. Newcomers could read an article or two, enter a few chat rooms, and learn enough to pass the first stages of scrutiny. Many thought the titles gave them instant stature within the secretive communities, so they laid claim to whichever title sounded best. It did not take long before most groups were inundated with posers, fakes, wannabes and swingers. Soon, titles no longer held any meaning to those of us who had been lifestyle for so many years.

Over the years, more and more titles were added, like Lady, Mistress-in-Training, submissive, Grand Mistress, Goddess, domme, dom, dominant, sub, femdom, bottom and top. Newcomers, many of which were not lifestyle, chose titles at random or made titles up to use as cover in their newfound BDSM and D/s playgrounds. As titles were slapped on, created and misused, the titles lost the descriptive power they once held.

Many found that males misused the titles the most. Thousands of male swingers, losers, and hedonists infiltrated the lifestyle to find new partners for sex play and chose a title that would allow the ease necessary to garner attention. Titles that gave supposed power over submissive women, or offered a sex treasure to a dominant woman were snatched up like precious gold. Most of these swinger males chose "Master (head ape)" or "sex slave (swinger)" and nothing more.

However, it differed with women. Many new females in the lifestyle chose downgraded titles, such as Lady rather than Mistress. Many chose to defer to the descriptive older titles by creating new ones showing less lifestyle experience or knowledge. It was supposed that a Lady was someone interested in the lifestyle but not as strict, demanding or experienced as a Mistress. Female tops and bottoms came just for the play and did not want to be locked into a title that restricted their positions in play. Submissive meant someone who offered services rather than servitude like a slave. ProDoms charged for their services and exhibited dominatrix type fantasies for men. Women seemed to prefer that men know immediately where they stood. During this time, the D/s lifestyles sprang up and grew in numbers, using many of the new titles to the point of excluding true BDSM.

Since dominant females tend to lean toward order and positive control, they found titles more necessary than their male counterparts. Women know that in any hierarchy, titles help designate those who lead and organize, and those who serve and follow. So, unlike the men, many lifestyle women held onto their titles and continued to use them publicly.

While new females were creating and using titles to meld with established lifestylers, most males were setting themselves up for abandonment and rejection within the lifestyle population. The Internet opened the doors to many male fakes, players and swingers, but it did not take very long for true lifestylers to catch on and shun these losers. The new females were smarter with their interaction, and chose to immolate titleholders and respect the efficiency of titles. Males, on the other hand, did not try to meld and many were exposed. Therefore, new males choose to keep their titles and hierarchy behind closed doors where discovery was not likely, while women chose to adapt to titles and keep their yearnings public.

Titles may no longer be practical or necessary for the lifestyle. Many tight-knit BDSM societies have abandoned their groups and organized structures due to the infiltration of inexperienced and insincere newcomers. Inexperienced players and scammers have driven many groups back to one-on-one interaction, behind closed doors. And these types of titles are only necessary when society gathers and groups, and organization is needed. Since women are holding onto these titles, perhaps they hope to maintain the public atmosphere, and preserve the original lifestyle to keep it from going back underground. After all, women are the nurturers.