If someone is being mean to people as a generality, they tend to find themselves on the short end of a stick - if people significantly misrepresent themselves and ‘who they are’ to people who are ‘too kind to notice the inequity of their lives’ (Read: that are not ‘very bright’ and are ‘gullible’), then they tend to be found out, reported by someone (such as myself) and end up alienated from their ‘constituency’ (“Hoisted on their own petard”, as the saying goes).

But, when it came to my finding a partner in life, I could not have been luckier - because I am a miserable bastard.

If life truly had held to the maxim of "an equanimity of fate' - I would definitively have never found anyone - or - barring that, I would have ended up with a short term relationship with a harpy (the likes of which would be exempt from normal human society by virtue of their very ‘lack of virtue’).

Instead –

About 9 years (or, so) ago…

I was being my irascible self... waiting for a friend named “David” (I called him a sadist - most people just called him a “bastard”) to show up at my place.

The computer is on - it is an October day and I am looking intently from the 3rd story of the house - considering whether the street was missing David’s car, or whether David had missed the street for the last 2 hours and 38 minutes since he was supposed to have arrived. And, wondering if David deserved any sort of warning - or - whether he was intelligent and quick enough to duck when he finally did show up at my place.

David - just so you know - was always, invariably, and most notably notoriously, late for everything and anything.

His procrastinating ways were a thing one could set their watch to.

It was an equally expected and ignored facet of the gem that “he was”.

We had an appointment that morning to go into the city. After having breakfast he promised that he would be there “NO LATER THAN X”....

His promises were not even worth the air that carried them from his lips to the ground where they were placed carefully before he stepped over them.

But, as it stood - we had talked the evening before on ICQ - and, he was overdue.

Aside:

An interesting program ICQ...

It was the first really viable (and, world wide) instant messaging service on the computer.

It also had messaging boards in conjunction with it that held a variety of topics.

I never went to them.

David often did.

He enjoyed discussing things I found silly... but, mostly he enjoyed screwing with people on line.

Three weeks before:

It is a Saturday morning and I am about to leave the house to do chores. I work was working 12-24 hour days at the job I was contracted to, and seldom get the chance to do the mundane things that are required for a comfortable living... like shopping, haircuts and laundry.

I check my email... and get up ready to go - when ICQ ‘goes off’.

For those of you familiar with the program - the above statement just brought to mind a noise similar to a gremlin issuing an ejaculatory “oh OH!" as the castrating knife slid over his scrotum!”

The message read:
“ Sir - I am a sissy boy in Lubbock Texas - I do not know where to go in my area to find others like me - and, like us - could you help?”

After some small talk and to ensure he was “for real”, I spent the next hour finding the closest organized meeting possible to this gentleman so he might have a place to go...

As I was getting up, I received:

“oh OH!”

“Hey - what are you wearing?”

I left the computer on, and the house locked.

On my return, I discovered 37 messages all from people who were either looking for assistance or for dick (giving or receiving).

Now - please understand:
- I did not subscribe to any of the “ICQ Communities”
- I did not allow others to see me on line while I was on.
- There was no way I posted my ICQ number to any board or other place...
- I was very confused.

So, I did the only logical thing - I turned the computer off.

Please note - unlike some IM systems, ICQ (at least used to) stores messages sent to you until you pop on line again... unless they were closed prior to your turning off ICQ.

The next morning, I turned on the computer...

ICQ booted up...

And, it sounded as though I had the entire population of the free world was coughing into my speakers...

The quantity of messages popping up exceeded my imagination.

Over the next two weeks I discovered that SOME Assh*le (David) had posted onto an ICQ board something similar to the following:

“Hi - My name is ‘J’ and I am an expert at BDSM and all facets of it. If you have a question, or just want to say ‘hello’, please send me a message to ICQ # *******. I am interested in all topics and can assist in most - Just ask!”

When I calmly asked David, “WHY THE F*** did you do that you Son Of A B*tch!!??”

He responded that he knew I was ‘lonely in my new job and location’ - and, believed that ‘other people might cheer me up!’

He also stated that it ‘had cheered him up immensely’.

Like I said: A lot of people considered David a bastard.

Back to the beginning - three weeks after this David induced fiasco…

Now I am waiting for David to show up... and, he is (as usual -and- as expected) late.

I hear “oh OH!” and turn toward the computer thinking how “if that is David on ICQ telling me he is on the way, I will kill him so dead maggots will shun him!”

And, it is not David...

It is an orange blinking message from someone I do not know... another plodding dialogue waiting for me from one of the idiots answering that insipidly stupid message that DAVID HAD POSTED!

They probably just want to cyber.

I am sure that it is someone who saw that posting and does not have a brain let alone a good question to ask!

“Excuse me Sir can I ask you a question?”

I pound into the program’s response box “What the fuck do you want!!”

And, those were the first words which I ever communicated to the person known with affection to the NY area communities as ”the girl”, to people on line as “sock puppet” or “Leigh” (among other names).

She was nothing which I wanted (at all).

I had three basic and requisite tenets for a partner which had to be met:

1. I wanted someone local - no long distance relationships - and no cyber BS

She was in the south-eastern US.

2. I wanted someone who had real life experience in leather.

She was completely new and had IM’d me for information because she was that new.

3. I wanted someone female....

Well - she is (indeed) female (I checked).

OK - She did meet one out of three requirements

We first talked in 1998.

She came to NYC for the last time in 1999 and has served me ever since with the aplomb, affection, and a dignity that I have not always deserved.

Between the two of us we have surmounted a lot of anguish.

We lost a dozen friends in leather; two parents and a brother have died; we have lost jobs and had car accidents; we have been sick and we have been depressed and possessed of poor spirit.

And now (as if living with me is not tough enough), I am taking her to a place about 1000 miles away, where she has no friends and she has no job, in order to continue serving me.

And, she just wants to know how best to get the house packed up.

This New Year marks 9 years we have talked together.

If life were fair... she would have closed the IM box after those first harsh words I had typed.

It is a singular wonder in my life that she didn’t...