As a sub with limits I do understand why this tends to come about. There have been times when my limits have directly interfered with my dominant’s enjoyment and therefore I’ve agreed to cooperate in getting that limit to a place the dominant needs it to be. It makes sense to me that a sub would want to be able to offer their dominant as much as they possibly could.

Sometimes my self imposed limits are based in lack of knowledge or in fear and a little (or big) push is needed to get past those things. I usually end up with a richer life if the dominant recognizes and pushes me past my fear or ignorance. Those times have enriched my life by increasing my confidence and experiences. I can understand why a dominant might want to affect a submissive’s life that way.

I can also understand that pushing a limit might enhance a couple’s time together by giving them a new experience to share together, perhaps something neither has done on their own before. It seems to me that would be a good

Pushing limits with the goal of positive effect seems a reasonable and logical action. However, regardless of the reason behind this activity, there also lies a danger.

The danger comes in more than one form.

There is great potential for harm when pushing too much too soon. This, from my perspective is one of the biggest errors that happen with this activity. Though it can be a fun and exciting practice for both parties, there are reasons beyond fear and lack of knowledge that one might have a limit. Certain activities can be associated with bad or painful memories, phobias, life long personality or character issues, moral issues, or ethical issues, to mention a few. If you, the dominant, don’t take the time to ensure you know the reason(s) behind your submissive’s limits, you could end up doing far more harm than good to your sub and to your relationship.

A push at the wrong time or with the wrong limit could result in your submissive becoming hysterical, or it could destroy any trust you’d built between the two of you. One wrong move could end your relationship or damage your submissive emotionally for a long period of time. If your submissive reacts violently, it could result in physical harm to themselves or you.

Pushing limits can be a risky thing, so when I hear dominants say I do it because I can, I have to wonder if they really have their submissive’s best interest at heart, or if it is a way for them to exert their dominance for its own sake. I also wonder just how much time said dominant has invested in ensuring there will be no harm done.

Submissives can end up being in a particularly vulnerable spot when their limits are being discussed. It’s not always so easy to come clean about your fears or some piece of past history that has affected them badly. They also tend to have a strong need to please their dominant and will therefore try to do what needs to be done to make their dominant happy. A little manipulation, a little nudge, is all that is needed to make some submissives agree to things that they are not ready for, especially if they have a trust in the dominant doing the nudging. They are expecting you to catch them if they fall and pick all the pieces back up and put them together again. Are you prepared to do this?

Are you able to fix a broken submissive? Do you have the tools to repair the damage a flashback or a moral crisis might cause? Are you able to recognize areas in your submissive’s life that might need some extra time and care before pushing them to face an activity or situation? Just being dominant isn’t going to be enough. Telling them to stop reacting isn’t going to work. One evening of aftercare is not going to fix the damage.

Pushing limits is not something to be flippant about. It takes skills and knowledge. Though there might be a lot of pressure from peers to just keep plowing through and knocking those limits down like old fence posts, it’s not necessarily the best thing for your submissive, your relationship or you. Proceed with caution. Know what you are dealing with. Be patient and let your submissive get used to the idea of going beyond their comfort zone.