I have been in several long term relationships with different submissives, during which I've learned a few valuable lessons. The first is that having more than one is not the easiest thing to do, and the new girl doesn't always, or even usually, end up as desirable as the one you've been with all along. I call this the greener grass complex.

The grass IS always greener on the other side, because when you’re further away you can’t see the myriad imperfections in that other yard. Your own yard, in which you are theoretically standing, is filled with easily seen imperfections that your across-the-street neighbor can’t see. This is true in all situations but mine. My neighbor’s grass is greener because I have concrete. But I digress.

I've been with dana for four years now, and things couldn't be much better. But every now and again, someone comes along and I think, wow, I'd really like to spend some time with her. It's not that I don't want to spend time with dana, but after four years, dana has heard most of my jokes and stories, at least the good ones, and this new girl has not. I get to impress some new sub all over again. Because all the jokes and stories are new to her, as am I, her reactions are a source of ego boost.

So I get closer to that new girl, and start spending time with her. Naturally, dana is aware of the situation because I have no reason to keep secrets from her. So she keeps busy doing graphics or playing on Second Life while I talk to my new girl…she even talks to the girl herself. She shows how much she loves me, how loyal and dedicated she is with tolerance. I, on the other hand, spend lots of time talking to the new girl, because she IS the new girl. A few months pass, however, and the new girl isn't so new anymore, and dana is still there, serving and loving me.

Admittedly, I’m probably a better deal online than in real life, but only dana knows that and she continues to serve me anyway. No accounting for taste.

Naturally, my time with the new girl has affected my relationship with the old one, no matter what dana says. It has to happen. Submissives compete with each other for time and attention. The new girl is trying to get me to spend time with her, while dana is showing what a great sport she is, by not making a big deal about it. In the end, no one approaches dana in any way. She is as perfect for me as a girl has ever been. So why do I keep repeating the same behavior? Is it helping me? Is it helping dana? Probably not.

As a dominant, I like to hunt. It's in my nature. The problem is, dana makes sure I'm not all that hungry, so after I've moved in for the kill, I'm not all that interested in eating…not really. In fact, I think a big part of what I do is an attempt to prove to myself that I still can do it, and therein lies the problem.

As a confident dominant, I should KNOW that I have the ability to dominate. It shouldn't be a question. I shouldn't need that reassurance. That I do shows a weakness in me.

In my relationship, I want for nothing, so why look anywhere else? What does it gain me?

In the end, whatever happens, dana is there waiting. I talk to other women and she's there when I'm done. This is a very secure feeling for me. I wonder how I'd feel if dana were off talking to other men (not that I forbid her to do so). It's an interesting double standard that is pretty much accepted throughout the lifestyle.

I've never restricted dana's actions with regard to talking to others, even other dominants, but she doesn't seem interested in doing so. She feels that by spending time with other dominants, in a sense, she is saying that I'm not enough for her. I don't necessarily agree with that, but I'm not unhappy that she says so. Again, that double standard.

More recently, I've backed off from the social scene and started thinking less about other girls. This is something I do periodically, but this time feels different. I don't feel as if I need to look anywhere but home to find what I want and need. In a lot of ways this is a new feeling for me, but a welcome one. If nothing else, there is less pressure.

I can't deny that in the future some submissive won't again catch my eye, but I consider it less and less likely. Perhaps this is a sign of growth. I now have the wisdom to know that the new girl will likely prove herself to be not quite as good as what I already have. It’s just a matter of time.

This revelation comes on my last failed relationship with a girl I'd met online. I should mention, I have two girls online, I have for some time. My relationship with mai and kat is not overtly sexual, but they serve me, and dana is fine with them, possibly because they both respect her and don't take up too much of my time. But a few months ago, a new submissive entered the picture and she made herself very useful. She pretty much smashed her way into my life and after a short spell, ran away as quickly. In some ways, I liked this girl an awful lot, but in other ways, she was not suitable for me. And I wasn't suitable for her. She was new blood after a time of not having any.

The end of that new relationship placed me in my current frame of mind, where I wonder when I'm going to learn my lesson and be satisfied with what I have. The fact is, I AM satisfied with what I have, so why risk it for something that is not only uncertain, but also unlikely to approach the success and happiness I now enjoy?
When I moved to Tasmania to be with dana, I had told her I wasn't monogamous. I still say I'm not, but I think there's a reasonable chance that with the right girl, I'm far more monogamous than I thought I was.