Since what ritual is and how it might be meaningful may not be familiar to some, here's an example of an "opening" ritual to give you a sense of what I mean by ritual.

Sarah arrived at the door. This was her first time. Beneath her coat, she was dressed as instructed. The door was unlocked as he said it would be. Passing through she stood at the top of a stairway. It descended down. The light was low. She could see the opening to a room. She could smell the sent of burnt sage and heard an entrancing music coming from below. He had told her what she was to do, and she began. She took a slow, deep breath and continued in that rhythm. She focused on her intention. "My intention is to step past my shyness, embrace my dark desires and surrender to his will. I want to be safe" She thought about all the aspects of life she had just come from - her job, the call from her mom, the headline news about an accident on the Interstate. As she breathed she was aware of the part of her that judged her unfavorably for what she desired, that she was not pleased with parts of her body, that she was afraid. "I ask any part of me that does not serve my intention to remain behind." With one last deep breath, she slowly descended the stairs, her right hand gliding along the wall for balance. In the dungeon, she lit the candles and placed them around the room. She unpacked his leather toy bag and certain things as he had said. She knelt with her head lowered, ass raised and open, focused on her intention, his instructions and her breath.

There may not appear to be anything extraordinary about this opening to a scene. As simple and straightforward as it is, it is a ritual as is anything we do on a regular basis. We mostly don't think of it as such. From the vantage point of ritual, I want to describe particular elements of this opening scene. In the tradition of ritual there is a threshold, a demarcation point. The place where the ritual begins. The threshold is the entrance to the container. A place where ritual is held. The threshold divides where one reality ends and another begins. Things outside the container, things inside. There is an opportunity at the threshold to consciously allow a transition to begin. For Sarah, it involved pausing at the threshold. She focused on her breath as a way to connect to herself and get present. She states her intention. What she wants to accomplish or as an outcome. She scans her awareness and notices different aspects of herself that are active. The part(s) of her that are intending to step into this container ask for the support of the parts that are distracted or opposed to her intention.

The threshold is a powerful place. It is a place to shift the state of mind, what one is bringing or not bringing, to have a clear intention, to begin being as present as possible. All of these aspects can have a strong impact on the scene. She then begins her descent. Like the threshold, in ritual, descent is a metaphor, a symbol that connects the scene to mythic story and our own internal mythos. She is going down into the earth, to the place hidden in darkness, the unknown, the underworld, the taboo, the forbidden. As well as the physical reality of the descent, it can represent a descent into the forbidden world of her unconscious. Her internal underworld. In the dungeon she performs ritual duties of lighting candles, illuminating the darkness; unpacking the various leather implements, ropes, chains, embracing the archetype of servant and feeling the Dom's energy already touching her as she handled the implements.

The implements themselves are imbued with symbolic energy, and kneeling in an exposed and highly vulnerable position, an act of surrender almost like the body language of prey in supplication to the predator, a very ancient energy in our psychological and biological heritage. If one chooses, the practice of ritual can deepen the experience of the scene, and ultimately. It can help to get one more present and focused. It can create a connection to deeper energies both within and external to us. I would also note that the Dominant can also benefit from preparing for the scene in a ritual manner. Through ritual symbols, metaphor and myth, we effect the emotional, physical, erotic and spiritual aspects of our being. In ritual, as far as these aspects are concerned, we are experiencing reality. Movies, theatre, books, music and art evoke ritual reality. The body and emotions react, even though we are not experiencing "reality" (crying for instance). Like movies, we can create and safely perform things in ritual space, not allowed in everyday reality.

Ritual can be a path to call up partially or fully hidden parts of our self. In the ritual of D/s and BDSM, I believe we can access archetypal personas we already carry inside. These may be programmed in the DNA, or in metaphysical contexts such as the soul or spirit. The ritual process supports fully embodying the archetype, while holding conflicting parts offline during the ritual. In the erotic BDSM context, the archetype may be the slut, the predator, sacred whore, rapist, supreme bitch, biker, master/slave et al.

Liberating the parts that may have been hidden, repressed or not fully expressed in everyday life can be therapeutic and joyous. It can create healing, wholeness and acceptance of who we are in all ways, generating greater self-love. Calling up these forbidden parts can also raise their counterparts. The ones that have been generally, if not extremely successful at holding our erotic truth in check. The counterparts may have to do with a variety of subconscious wounds, shadows, fears, guilt, shame, or, cultural or religious morality. I have found following the path of Dark Eros to be a sure way to bring one face to face with all hidden, repressed or unconscious parts of ourselves, eventually. I have found both the desire and the judgments against desire have distinct personas. They contain voice, point of view, emotion and intention. The repressed side may contain the stern voice of the righteous father, or shaming mother for example. The sometimes painful and foreboding inner messages we hear are powerful in the subconscious, and for most of us have been highly effective at holding back our desire to greater or lesser degree. These opposed parts seldom go completely away, just because one has finally crossed the threshold of desire.

Part of the ritual process I practice is to help others engage these resistances, to learn about them. By bringing these parts into our conscious awareness, it helps to unhook them from the emotional and physical body. Without their emotional and physical power (fear or shame, clenched throat, knotted stomach etc), we are free to present and focused in our desire The foundation of ritual and D/s-BDSM is trust. The process to get to trust is different for each person. Not understanding this can lead to conflict and misunderstanding in a D/s relationship or BDSM scene. In the next article I will offer a perspective on how to deal with issues that may arise in the path. I'll explore the unconscious shadow side of Dominant and submissive relationships, the Tyrant Dom and the passive/aggressive sub for example, and some tools to deal with these conflicts when they arise.