|
Home
Art
D.O.M.
Dom's Forum
Dungeon
Editorial
Erotica
Fact/Fiction
Feature Articles
Fetish Focus
Getting Started
Interview
Master D bate s
Mistress's Musings
Odds and Sods
Reviews
Sub Missives
Switch's Corner
With a Twist
TDV Bookstore
Search TDV
Support TDV
About us
Advertise at TDV
Archives
Links
Logo
Contributor
Guidelines
Work for TDV
|
Thoughts on Slave Development
By
Mermaid Master
|
The subject of slave
training is one that has gotten a great deal of attention, especially
in recent years as the M/s lifestyle has
spread increasingly from the gay leather community into the straight
community. Most of the apocryphal “Old Guard” training
focused on developing instant, unconditional obedience to a Master’s
orders. This is because the origins were heavily influenced by the
soldiers coming home after World War II and so it was predicated
heavily on a military model. In the present community, more attention
seems to be focused on goals that have broadened considerably. Especially
among straight couples, the desire is to have the slave do more than
just become functional at being a better servant. Quite often the
goal is to have her (for convenience I will focus the rest of this
article on M/f couples although much of it will apply to other types
of M/s relationships as well) become more functional in broad areas
of her life.
As it happens, this is quite often the same goal shared by psychotherapists
but again, in recent years, the goal of therapy has become more than
just overcoming specific deficits into becoming a generally happy,
well functioning human being in all or at least most areas of her
life. It is not at all uncommon for slaves (and again here I am speaking
only of female slaves) to have suffered tremendous abuse and trauma
in their past lives. As it happens, there seem to be some clear indications
(although there is no formal research to support this as far as I
know) that this is not related to them becoming slaves. Rather it
is simply that a substantial portion of the women in the world have
been subjected to this and the proportion seems to be the same with
submissive women and slaves.
One of the early goals, then, for many Masters is to help the slave
overcome these traumas. Often there are efforts to build up her self-esteem
and other kinds of well-meaning palliative care. In my observation,
for a woman who is drawn to being a slave, the M/s relationship itself
seems to help a lot with this. In psychotherapy we describe this
as “thriving”. It means going beyond just relieving the
pain.
Because of this, I believe that the term “slave training” is
a misnomer and a more accurate and descriptive term would be “slave
development”. While a comprehensive treatment of this subject
would certainly require a book, I would like to look at a couple
of aspects of slave development that are extremely useful.
The most important thing in trying to accomplish a complex task is
feedback. We need to know whether or not what we are doing is correct
and is advancing us toward our goal. If all we wanted to do was develop
obedience, it would be relatively simple to determine progress. We
would give an order and see if the slave followed it according to
our standards. If they did not, we would correct it in some manner
and try again. If the corrective measure worked, then we would use
it again. If it did not, we would, it is hoped, try a different technique.
For instance, let us assume we wanted to teach a slave to walk in
a sexy manner. If she did not, we could take a whip and whip her
until she was unconscious. It is improbable that this would work
well, at least with anyone who wasn’t a total pain slut. We
could also try whining and complaining that she wasn’t doing
it right. It is equally unlikely this would work either. With my
own slave, something moderate like a riding crop works very well.
But I didn’t expect her to instantly be able to walk exactly
the way I want, instead, I worked with her and praised her when she
did better.
This is fairly simple and nearly anyone who has ever taught anyone
anything knows about it. But getting a slave to behave in the myriad
and complex ways that are expected, especially if part of the goal
is to get her to thrive, is much more complicated. What is needed
is some way of telling, as we go along, whether we are headed in
the right direction. It is much like trying to get through a system
of dark caverns to find our way out. What we need is a flashlight.
There is such a flashlight (you certainly did not expect that this
article would not include one). There are actually two, one for short
term evaluation and one for longer term use. They are sort of like
the high beams and low beams on the headlights of an automobile.
The first one concerns what we head shrinks call resistance. When
a slave is on the verge of an orgasm and the Master orders her to
cum, there is no resistance. When a slave is absolutely terrified
of something and she is ordered to do it, there will be an extreme
reluctance to comply. That is resistance. In between these two extremes,
is a continuum of various degrees of resistance.
As long as you are not encountering any resistance, there is no problem
and the training can continue unimpeded. It is when resistance is
encountered that we, as trainers or developers, run into frustration.
The first step in dealing with resistance is to recognize that there
are actually two distinct kinds of resistance. We can just call them
hard resistance and soft resistance. Dealing with them is essentially
the same as dealing with BDSM limits which are widely divided into
soft limits and hard limits. Soft limits means that they can be pushed
and those of us who are of the sadist persuasion love to push soft
limits. Hard limits are those where it is understood that the sub
will not go there under any circumstances. They are considered a
deal breaker.
Any time we are trying to get someone to change their behavior, there
will be some resistance. It is a part of human nature. People are
resistant to change. If you are trying to get change in your slave,
you will experience that mostly she will resist but still yield.
This is soft resistance. She may even be very strongly resistance
but still yield, at least to a small degree, when approached right.
Occasionally, however, the Master will try to get her to do something,
to cooperate, and it is like slamming into a stone wall. There is
no yielding at all. This is called hard resistance.
It is very important to understand the difference. Hard resistance
is not under the person’s control and no amount of pressure
will change it without utterly destroying the person. For example,
non-consensual heavy physical torture or brainwashing techniques
may possibly overcome hard resistance although there isn’t
much left of the person when you are finished. The assumption here
is that the goals are positive, not that you want to destroy the
slave.
When hard resistance is encountered, back off. Leave it alone. You
will not overcome it by a direct assault. If you just go to something
else, all reads lead to Rome. You will encounter it somewhere else.
Eventually you will either weaken all of the resistance around it
enough that it will fall by itself or you are going to have to live
with it unless and until a professional steps in to help.
When soft resistance is encountered, press on. That can be overcome
with persistence. The only important part of this is to recognize
the difference and react appropriately. Differentiating between them
then tells you if you can continue or if you are trying to pass through
a solid wall instead of a tunnel. Trying to overcome hard resistance
is like trying to teach a pig to sing. It wastes your time and annoys
the pig.
This will tell you minute by minute if you are able to proceed at
all. But what about medium and long term goals? You want a sexy,
well-behaved slave who can provide the kind of service that you want,
whatever that is. How do you know if you are making any progress
on the bigger goals? If you know that, you would be able to keep
doing what you are doing or change tactics as appropriate.
The way you tell that is by using what is called the Five Steps to
Change. All human beings have at least some degree of difficulty
with change. That’s because we want things to be predicable
so that we can keep ourselves safe. When things change, they threaten
us. Consequently, we go through five steps in adapting to change.
The first step is denial. The slave says, “You want me to do
what?” That’s denial. The underlying context is, “I
don’t have to change.” We all start out with the attitude
that one way or the other, we won’t have to actually change.
It’s magical.
The second step is bargaining. “I’ll tell you what. If
I am very, very nice to you, then you won’t make me change,
OK?” The key to inducing change is to ACCEPT the bargain and
then demand the change anyway. “I really like it when you are
so nice to me. Now do it.”
The third step is called anger. Anger may not always be expressed
overtly. It is often expressed in humor or some symbolic way. “You
certainly are a slave driver.”, the slave says. Anger, like
bargaining, can be expressed in a variety of ways. It can, sometimes,
be very clear and overt and other times it can be just symbolic.
The fourth step is called depression. This doesn’t mean depression
in the clinical sense of having the blues and wanting to kill yourself
because the Master or Dominant wanted the sub or slave to start shinning
his shoes. It occurs when the anger doesn’t work and the person
still is being required to change. The anger isn’t being expressed
at the object but turned in on the self. “I guess I’m
just not a very good slave or I would cheerfully do this.” Often
the Master will back off at this point and try to reassure the slave.
Wrong! You want to keep the pressure up. The appearance of anger
directed at the self or depression means you are almost there.
The fifth and final step is acceptance. “I guess I’ll
have to make this change.” When you get there, you’re
done.
Now understand that people can go back and forth in these steps.
They can go from bargaining to anger and back to bargaining. Then
they can move on to anger again and then depression but the important
thing is that they will ALWAYS move through the steps in that order.
The step may be very fleeting or very long. They can be stuck in
anger for minutes or hours but then go back to bargaining. Or, the
steps can be as fleeting as a few seconds. They may be angry and
then briefly blame themselves before giving up and adjusting. It’s
necessary to be sharp to see the stages.
What this is so valuable for is that if you can tell what stage someone
is in (or you, yourself if you are the one changing) then you know
where you are in the process. If your slave moves from depression
back to anger or from anger back to bargaining, you are going in
the wrong direction and had better switch tactics.
Likewise, if you are trying to effect a change and you are being
met by either very heavy resistance or none at all, you also are
getting nowhere. Use these roadmaps and you can learn to effect positive
change in your slave (or anyone else, for that matter).
|
|
