The problems start to arise when my play partner’s submissive wants her dominant around and I want his submissive side to show. What do you do to fulfill all the parties’ needs and expectations of their roles?

This is truly a mixed up problem that only comes with switching. Even with only two partners involved, the fact that one of them chooses to fulfill both roles at one time or another during their play, makes it difficult for their play partner to not feel like they are missing out when the switch decides to go to the role that does not complement theirs. The playtime together can appear to be cut in half when the switch goes off and plays with another person to fulfill their alternate ego.

Another issue that comes up in our relationship is one of having enough time for each of us to have our respective time in role. For all three of us, we each have an internal balance that must be achieved for us to feel fulfilled in our D/s relationships with one another. For instance, his submissive needs her special time as a submissive with her Dominant. When this does not happen, none of us are happy because her moods and actions effect all of us directly. This holds true for all of our triad. When one of us is not fulfilled, we are all left wanting. Giving each of us time with each other on both a one-on-one and group basis helps us to fulfill our needs and stay balanced in our entire relationship.

Just recently, I have been exposed to yet another mishap with switches and multiple partners face. I find myself the focus of both of their complaints about one another and their primary relationship. It is difficult for me to remain neutral and not step into either a dominant or submissive role with either of them. I have to choose to be a friend instead and offer advice and possible solutions rather than ordering one or the other around as a dominant. I also don’t want to appear to side with the dominant when I am in my submissive role because, frankly, sometimes he is wrong. Sometimes the right role is no role at all in cases such as these.

And finally, the last major quandary I have uncovered is that of the double standard. To avoid this problem we have made up a standard set of rules that all of us follow as submissives and all of us enforce as dominants (or at least the two of us who are dominant do). This allows all of us to have the same set of expectations when dealing with one another. One of the most important rules in that set is “No Paybacks.”

This should be one that is implemented and agreed upon in any faction of switch play particularly when you switch with another person and you both have the opportunity to fill both the dom and sub role. Getting into the cycle of paybacks can be dangerous as the payback escalates back and forth. The effort to outdo the last time you were topped can lead to harming your partner and some serious revenge! This is not a good idea in any way, shape or form!