Dear AW:
Ah, there’s nothing like the crack of a single-tail whip to get a sub’s blood surging, or to make a dom feely incredibly … well, domly! The use of these delightfully nefarious implements is surely a pinnacle of sadomasochistic skills.

There are several books and websites out there devoted to whip skills, but ultimately the best way to become a true master of the lash is: practice, practice, practice! Preferably, of course, with the guidance of a seasoned mentor, but short of that stick to these tips, and the list of resources below them:

First: Start low and slow. Before you even get a bullwhip, begin with a smaller signal whip. I recommend one of David King’s excellent nylon three-footers, which are low-maintenance and easy for single-tail beginners. You can find his whips at http://www.coyotewhips.com. (And yes, I own one myself!) Take your time and get a good feel for the whip before trying any of the fancier moves you’ve seen. Remember that what looks easy only looks that way from months or even years of practice.

Second: Safety gear. Wear long-sleeved shirts at the very least, as the fall of a whip can easily snap back onto your arm. With longer whips, add eye and face protection; most aficionados suggest safety glasses and a broad-brimmed hat. And whenever you practice or play, make sure there’s more than enough room to lash about.

Now, down to specifics. Here is a list of resources I’d recommend to learn some of the details…

“The Bullwhip Book” by Andrew Conway (Greenery Press)

Pages 162-167 of “Screw the Roses, Send Me the Thorns”; while the book is by Philip Miller and Molly Devon, this specific article is by single-tail whip master Robert Dante.

http://www.bullwhip.org

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http://groups.yahoo.com/group/WhipEnthusiasts

Dear Desmond:
I am a member of a local lesbian SM group. Another submissive joined a couple of months ago, and lately she keeps whispering to me about how attracted she is to a dominant in our group, “Kat.” I asked her why she doesn’t just go up to Kat and say hi. She says she’s always been really shy, which I noticed because she hardly speaks up at the group, but also she has a really intense fantasy about being forced to be another woman’s sex slave. How do I give her the confidence to speak to the domme of her dreams, and not be ashamed of her fantasy?
In the Middle

Dear Ms. Middle:
Glad that you want to see your friend (and, I hope, Mistress Kat) happy little perverts. Happiness, however, cannot be pushed and knows no single formula. Some people are just so shy by nature that just the thought of delivering a speech or asking someone for a date can make them break out in hives. Add to that the fact that some doms are just so intimidating by nature, and you might better appreciate your friend’s dilemma. There are ways to help her overcome her shyness, but from what you’ve said they may take too long – by the time your friend is done with the program, Kat may have collared someone else!

So, here’s an alternative: offer to be an intermediary on her behalf. Such a practice is not so strange, even in kinky circles; often Old Guard protocols required that you be introduced to a high-ranking top before speaking to him.

Step one would be to assure her that her fantasy – politically incorrect as it may sound – is not so strange. There are plenty of stories on the Internet about ravishment and forced servitude, and I’m sure you can find some examples to show her. As with all kinks, just realizing that you’re not alone can be a boost.

Step two is to know a little more about your shy subbie friend and her interests. This is to get you ready for approaching Kat. What is it about Kat that your friend likes? What about her fantasy? What types of play has she done or would like to do? Go slow, listen carefully and without judgment, and think about the best way to present all of this.

Step three is to arrange a meeting with Kat. I suggest calling or emailing her, and asking if she could spend a few minutes before or after your group’s regular meeting to talk. Be forthright but brief, something like this: “A friend of mine in the group is very interested in being your submissive. First, are you available? Second, does the fantasy of ‘forcing’ a cute girl to be your sex slave turn you on?” If she answers yes to both questions, then you proceed. Explain that your friend is very shy, and that you’d be happy to answer any questions and help with arranging a meeting.

Step four depends on the outcome of step three. I f Kat is drooling with a nefarious grin at the thought of chaining your pal to her bed, all the better. But, your work will not be done. You’ll need to help dom and sub get together and negotiate. On the other hand, if Kat is saying no, then you need to let your friend down easy, stand by her, and encourage her to keep looking and build her confidence. Remember I said there are methods for learning to overcome shyness? You can find a number of books in the self-help section of your local bookstore; I highly recommend

“ Shyness: What It Is, What to Do About It” by Philip G. Zimbardo,
ISBN 0-201-55018-0