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Age: 40
Gender/Orientation: Male Het sexually but an equal opportunity sadist
Location: Atlanta, Georgia
Years involved in D/s and/or BDSM: 11 years I first
found the lifestyle in 1995, but had been moving towards
D/s relationship wise for a
while.
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Do you believe in safe words and limits? What
are your personal limits?
I still use safe words and signals, they are one tool of communication
for me, usually they are the start of a short conversation. We
all have some type of limits I firmly believe that the “No
Limits” concept is really much more about having hard limits
that match up between the people involved. You could even do without
the death limit if Gandhi was your master because you know he would
never go there.
Are rituals part of your relationship? If so, can you tell us about
some of them?
I am a big believer in rituals, when the reason behind the ritual
is known, otherwise they serve little purpose. I love rituals though
when they reinforce the values you hold. And if the core of the
ritual is held intact there is a connection to the history. My
favorite ritual for myself is the fireplay safety ritual I do where
I focus on the flame reacquaint myself with it and test the air
currents in a room before the scene.
Do you believe in 24/7 D/s? Why?
I do believe in 24/7 in that the people involved retain who they
are all the time. The identities don’t change just because
you are not actively involved in a D/s or S/m activity all the
time. To give a totally vanilla example: I am a stepfather even
when I am at work on the job.
What is your definition of the power exchange between dom and sub?
I am a firm believer that all relationships have a power dynamic,
the difference is that “we” recognize and own the fact
openly. We set defined limits of power at whatever level and thus
have less need for and power struggles afterwards.
What are your feelings on slave contracts?
I really like petitioning and contracts both, not so much for the
document itself but as tools for negotiations of a long-term relationship.
It is the act of negotiating the contract or writing a petition
that is valuable in my eyes.
They should force us to think about what we are agreeing to/ asking
for. The documents themselves are nice as symbols and to from time
to time review, but since they are only held together by the personal
honor of the parties they are worth exactly that the sum of their
honor, cause they cannot be enforced outside of the relationship.
How did you enter the BDSM world? OR ... What personal experience(s)
led you to the BDSM lifestyle?
I had already been moving towards D/s, as a relationship form I
wanted just didn’t have a name for it, I was also already
a leather crafter looking for new markets. I started going to munches
and such to research what made good toys, and at the same time
found that my D/s conclusions actually fit rather nicely, and besides
they were having too much fun without me.
What do you feel is the single, most important thing for any new
dominant to learn (or observe, explore, share) when entering into
this lifestyle? Can you give us an example of one of your first
learning experiences?
Wow lets see, the most important thing for a new Dominant to learn?
Outside of all the clichés I guess the most important lesson
is identify at least for yourself the purpose of every scene you
are doing. Sometimes it’s just to enjoy the scene and there’s
nothing wrong with that but often the un-noticed reasons for a
scene have important messages and lessons we are learning and teaching
our charges, if you haven’t identified them then you can’t
know what you are teaching.
My very own first big lesson was about flogging specifically but
all play in general. My unofficial mentor at the time had spent
a few months answering my questions recommending reading, and being
very patient with my questions. One evening when I started
to ask another question he looked at me and said, “You’ve reached the point where your learning
has reached the point where you have to start actually doing to
learn what you want to know.” You can read, you can talk,
you can watch, but at some point you have to take the chance and
actually do. |
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