Dear Desmond:
I have three slave boys – a foot-and-boot slave, a service slave, and a sex slave. Each attends to my needs wonderfully, but on separate days of the week. Each is under the impression that he is my only slave. They have not yet encountered one another at local Scene events. What if they do?
Mistress With Many

Dear Mistress:
“Each is under the impression”? And just how did each of them get that impression? Let me guess: You gave them that impression. Yes? Well, if you want a healthy relationship with all of the members of your stable, then I suggest that you “un-impress” them – tactfully, of course, but as soon as you can. Meet with each one, let each know how much you appreciate their respective services, then tell each slave that there are two others who fulfill different needs, and that this is no reflection on their service. If the thought of this makes you nervous, then practice with a supportive friend. Besides, think of the benefits once your slaves know about one another. They may each service you in their own way simultaneously – and wouldn’t that be divine!

Dear Desmond:
I live in an area where there are no BDSM groups. The nearest one is a good five hours away. If my partner and I want to help get one started, what do you recommend?
Stranded in the Boonies

Dear “Stranded”:
Starting a BDSM group – be it social, educational, political or some combination – is not like starting a chapter of Toastmasters, especially if you’re in a deeply conservative area. The basic steps are the same, but with some added caution. So if you want to be a pervie pioneer in your locale, here are the issues to consider:

In versus out – Given your situation, it would be important for you and your partner to be fairly open about your interests. I’m not talking about parading in your leathers every day, but I am saying that your family, friends, employers and coworkers know that you are kinky and at least tolerate it to the point that it doesn’t matter that much to them. This is especially important if you decide to formally incorporate whatever organization gets off the ground; banks and government agencies will simply not recognize Scene names. With all that said, remember that others may not be in such a position, so you need to make sure that privacy is protected as much as possible.

The Internet – Many groups are not only using the World Wide Web to advertise and communicate, but even to get started. So, after you’ve done a thorough search to make sure that there are no real-time groups where you live, start posting on various lists and chatrooms to look for nearby kinksters. When you have a few, set up your own list through Yahoo, Google, or some other source. From there you can go to informal get-togethers at someone’s house.

What kind of group? - The simplest, most informal kink group is the munch, usually meeting at a restaurant or mall food court. The up side is that you don’t need a budget, by-laws or officers; the down side is that you don’t necessarily have the level of privacy that a good number of kinksters desire or require. A munch can also be the starting point for starting something more structured. Along with discussing the nuts and bolts of organizing, you can pass the hat around to get a small treasury started. Many local BDSM groups primarily have social and educational functions run by and for their members. Some groups are devoted to political and legal work, but are often run as foundations or task forces of select activists.

The rest of the world – Once you have a group up and running, be good neighbors with other kinky clubs in the wider region. Many have reciprocity agreements, where membership discounts are extended to partner organizations. With the vanilla realm, build alliances with other sexual minorities and civil liberties groups. If education is one of your major missions, look to developing programs to enlighten outsiders to the reality of BDSM (i.e., that it’s not abuse).

Dear Desmond:
Is there a protocol for a submissive to teach her Dominant a certain skill? Or would that be topping from the bottom?
Good Girl

Dear Good Girl:
There’s protocol and then there’s protocol. There’s specific rules and customs for specific clubs or sub-cultures of the BDSM community, especially among the Old Guard leathermen. Then there are the general mores of the larger BDSM community, developed from various sources.

Certainly it would be bad form for a submissive to tell a dominant what to do or how to do it. But there are less overt ways of conveying information from the bottom up. Ask your dominant for permission to teach a workshop on this particular skill, and then respectfully ask for him to attend.