| When most people think
of Doms and subs they think of toys and apparatus—everything
from handcuffs, paddles and floggers to spreader bars, dog kennels,
whips and mad-scientist-like tables.
My own arsenal is somewhat more modest. I have a flogger, a pair
of satin-lined cuffs, some Japanese bondage rope (purchased because
it doesn't leave rope burns), my belt (which serves a dual purpose)
and a few o-rings bought at a hardware store that we've screwed
into the sides of our platform bed. I also own a couple of blind
folds, one of which I received for free on the Qantas flight when
I first arrived in Australia. Not exactly impressive, is it?
It can be hard to remember while browsing around the web that
you don't need to be a millionaire to be into BDSM. Last night,
dana and I were looking at violet wands. There's finally an Australian
distributor, but I'd have to sell the kids into slavery to afford
one (don't think I'm not considering it).
Which brought to mind the topic for this article. Being a Dom
has nothing to do with toys. Nothing at all. Want to know the best
sex toy I have at my disposal? My mind.
While toys are fun, subs don't flock to Doms because they have
toys. It's the mind and personality that attracts a sub and holds
her there. The toys are a fringe benefit.
Sure it would be great if I could set up the shack in the back
as a dungeon playroom, but on a writer's income that's hardly practical.
So I have to use my head instead. There's plenty of stuff to use.
Ice is good (and cheap). It costs almost nothing to freeze water,
and you can use ice very effectively in the bedroom. I sometimes
use it in conjunction with the Japanese bondage rope and a blindfold.
Parafin candles are cheap enough to use, if you like the hot wax
thing. I'm not a huge fan of playing with fire, but sometimes I
like it for a change.
The thing that dana and I are most into is role-playing, which
requires little financial investment. Fortunately, dana gets into
any story I spin, and stays there throughout the entire scene.
It becomes real to her, so she can experience anything without
costing us an arm and a leg.
Let me say at this time, I'm not a frugal person. If I had the
money, I probably would have more by the way of toys, as I had
in the past. However, I didn't use a lot of those toys very often,
whereas I used my mind constantly. That's the Doms first best sex
toy, just as submission is a subs best. Doms aren't drawn to subs
because they can be tied up. They're drawn to their submissive
nature. The props, while fun, are not a necessary part of BDSM.
At different times I've used things like clothes pegs (the kind
you use to hang your laundry out on the line), the bungie cords
that come with luggage, some crazy belt thing with lots of fringes
I found a k-mart, a peacock feather, ice, hot liniment oil, white
safety candles, vibrators, dildos, vegetables (when I don't have
a dildo handy, the right sized cucumber works), a hand massager,
massage oil, a loofah (natural sponge, sort of scratchy when dry),
very find sand paper, handcuffs and, of course, various body parts.
The point is, one might be forgiven while browsing around the
Net, to believe you need to spend a lot of money to entertain
a sub. Nothing could be further from the truth.
Sure all that stuff is fun, but it doesn't make a BDSM relationship.
What makes a BDSM relationship are the two people in it, nothing
more.
If you have the money, by all means, go shopping; if you don't,
you're not at any kind of disadvantage. In fact, the less money
you have to spend on toys, the more you'll have to use your mind,
the part of your body truly responsible for enjoying a night
with your favorite submissive.
Here are some fantasies I've enjoyed over the years that can
be made to fit any budget.
The rape fantasy…many subs have rape fantasies. You don't
need anything for them, though dana likes when I use a knife.
As we have knives in the house, that doesn't cost me anything.
If you have old clothes that you don't mind shredding, you can
even cut them off. Don't expect to be strong enough to rip them.
Nothing is worse than a rape fantasy when you can't rip off clothes.
It takes you right out of the mood—or so I assume. I've
never been foolish enough to try.
As always, keep an eye toward safety. While scening, always use
a safe word and always expect the unexpected, particularly if
you're playing with fire or sharp edges.
Any kind of dress up can be fun. I've found some fairly inexpensive
French maid and nurse costumes in my day, if you like that kind
of fantasy. A long white lab coat would allow you to be a doctor.
You shouldn't have to mortgage Park Place to get it either.
You can get outfits based on different nationalities. Veils can
be fun, a Japanese kimono, anything that you can get to fuel
the fantasy. When you start looking around, you'll be surprised
at what you find, even in used clothing stores.
If your fantasy is therapy, you don't even need a lab coat. One
scene I role-played long ago, involved a psychologist seducing
his patient against her will. All you require for that are chairs
and the ability to keep a straight face.
The burglar breaking in fantasy is good too. The woman can be
naked in bed, the man can be wearing dark clothes and sneakers.
Just go into the bedroom with a flashlight, of which we have
several, and you're set. If you have a gun replica, or a knife
and that's your kink, that's okay too, as long as you're careful.
I'd never use a working gun in play, however. That's a personal
limit of mine.
I've even played a spy fantasy, torturing a sub until she told
me what she knew (which didn't stop me from torturing her further
after her confession).
I guess I don't have to mention, if you're into golden showers,
cutting, or scat play, you don't have to spend a lot of money
either.
The bottom line is, fantasies are free, and they're everywhere.
So if you don't have a lot of money to spend on toys, don't sweat
it.
Your first and best toy is something you were born with.
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