Dear Desperate Domme:
Yes, it can be most embarrassing to have a slave taking things to such extremes. It could be for any number of reasons, both healthy and unhealthy. If You have not already done so, sit down and have a heart-to-heart talk to him about why he feels the need to submit so completely. If the reasons he expresses gives You cause for concern, think of referring him to a kink-friendly therapist to address whatever emotional issues are behind this.

On the other hand, Your slave may simply crave more direction and structure. In that case, consider having at least two sets of rules: one for private and Scene settings, another for vanilla settings. The latter can provide a structure by which he can serve You discreetly without embarrassing You. For example: in Scene settings he must call you “Mistress,” but in ordinary settings he should call you by your name, or some endearment, or “Ma’am.” You then make it clear to him which rules apply at any given time, and enforce it consistently with rewards and punishments.

Such a system has an historical precedent. A Chinese emperor once decided to travel incognito with his retainer. To maintain this ruse, the retainer could not pay homage to his lord in the usual manner, as this would give away their identity. So they worked out their own code, where the retainer would show respect by innocuously tapping twice with his fingers.

So talk to Your slave, try to find out what motivates him to want to submit so deeply, and find the best way to meet those needs. And feel proud – not because Your slave is willing to give You so much power, but because you have the scruples and good sense not to abuse it.

Dear Desmond:
I’m a heavy masochist who enjoys being spanked and caned severely. Lately my boyfriend and I have been doing roleplay during our sessions. I’m having a problem staying in character because the pain arouses me so much that it’s hard to play the helpless schoolgirl being punished convincingly. Any suggestions?
Hot & Bothered

Dear Hot & Bothered:
For whom is this a problem? Are you the one worried about playing the role right? Relax! This is a fantasy, after all, and you can play your part any way that turns you on. Think of this as adding some depth and complexity to your schoolgirl persona – a clever yet naughty young lady who acts up just so she can get off. And what about your boyfriend? Remember that it takes two to role-play. His headmaster, noting your arousal, could respond by saying: “Ah, so my miscreant Miss is enjoying this, eh? Well, then perhaps I am not delivering my strokes hard - WHACK! - enough!”

Dear Desmond:
My boy wants to be the object of an intense gang-rape scene. I have many worries about this. He wants the men to be strangers, and he wants to play without safewords in order to make it more realistic. He wants to be beaten, pissed on and shit on. What worries me most is how I might react. The fantasy turns me on when I run it in my head, but I worry about how I will react in real life. Should I go through with this, or tell him no?
Daddy Z

Dear Daddy Z:
It’s good that you do worry about all of these things, and you should give yourself a pat on the back for taking the time to think of your boy’s well-being instead of plunging into this. All of these concerns are interrelated, but let’s see if I can address them one by one…

Playing with strangers – Always a risky move, especially with group ravishment scenes. Of course, your boy needn’t know that his “assailants” are known to him, or to you. They can wear masks at first, then put a blindfold or hood on him to protect their identities and give an edge to his experience. Whoever you choose to be a member of this gang, screen them carefully. Have they done these scenes before? Do they have a healthy reputation for safety and consideration? Will they abide by your rules and decisions?

No safewords – Obviously you cannot force your boy to safeword. But you can be there to monitor the situation and step in if need be. Screening your gang members is part of that, as is making sure that they all use safer sex measures.
Rough stuff – I don’t know what type or intensity of play you’re used to, but I’m guessing that you wouldn’t bring this up if you were not concerned. Perhaps your concern is that the other members of the gang will go too far. Again, this is why screening is important. Also, monitor your boy carefully. Consider being the one to restrain him while the others deliver their blows. This may help you gauge from his body reactions whether or not he’s being hit too hard.

Piss and scat – First question: is your boy’s immune system compromised? If so, you should consider saying no to this, especially since rough play may lead to open cuts and scrapes. Another option is to do a mindfuck, such as squeeze bottles of warm sterile liquid to simulate piss.